


Simply Falling

by GreenColin



Category: The Yogscast
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:47:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenColin/pseuds/GreenColin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How to fall in love with his best friend - 101</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Stop. Stop it now.Right now. Alright stopping in 1, 2, 3… Fuck._

Ross changed position on the couch and Alex snapped out of his inner monologue and turned his attention back to the movie. He was going crazy for sure, what else could explain the fact he couldn’t stop staring at his best friend sitting next to him. He glanced at Ross, completely oblivious to his turmoil. He was doing it again, licking his lips and biting them casually, and Alex couldn’t stop watching.

Ross always did that while playing games, watching TV or even reading a book, and it had never really bothered Alex until now. He didn’t know why but when he saw Ross run his tongue over his lips about half way through the movie, it awakened something in Alex.

His mind became cloudy and heat began to sneak up in his chest. He imagined himself biting those lips and playing with Ross tongue. He blushed. His look fell on Ross’ hand as his friend was rubbing slowly his own arm. His stomach clenched. What the hell was wrong with him? Once again he told himself to focus on the movie. As he tried to understand what was going on on the screen, a drip of sweat rolled down Alex’s back and he shivered.

“Are you cold, mate?”

Alex jumped when he heard Ross’ voice. He cleared his throat and tried to answer clearly.      

“I’m good thanks. Just a bit tired I guess.”       

He could feel Ross’ gaze on him and thanked silently that it was so dark in the living room, the thought of Ross seeing him blushing only making it worse.

“I think it’s almost done.”

 Ross was right and the end credits appeared on the screen about 15 minutes after. The dark-haired man switched off the TV and stretched all of his body.

“Well that was awful!”  He yawned.

“It was not  _that_  bad…” answered Smith, though he couldn’t remember, for the life of him, half the movie.

“No you’re right it was worse!” Ross chuckled, getting up on his feet and making his way to the kitchen.

Alex heard him pour water in a glass but feeling uneasy and troubled by his weird thoughts for his friend, he sprang out of the couch and as he was about to reach the stairs, he throws at Ross.

“Well I’m off to bed, night Ross!”

He heard a “Night Smith” as he walked up the stairs.

Once in his room, he shut the door and sat at the end of his bed, head in his hands. Flashes of Ross’ lips and hands were running through his mind and as he felt heat creeping back inside his stomach, he groaned.

_Fuck.  Fuck. FUCK._

He shut his eyes painfully. What the hell was going on with him? While it was not the first time he felt that way towards his friend, usually it involved a lot of alcohol and grinding on the dancefloor of some club. After a few shots of Whiskey he was feeling so numb that, as his friends put it mildly, he could have fucked about anyone close to him.

Not that it had ever happened of course, and he never really thought about the possibility of it, or even wanted it to. But lately, a very sober version of himself was completely taken aback by thoughts,  _really naughty thoughts,_  running through his very sober mind.

He sighted heavily and getting up, started to undress and put his pijamas on. He yawned and as he was about to lie in his bed, his phone ranged.

“Yeah?” he answered with a sleepy voice.

“Hey, Smith, sorry am I waking you up?” Trott voice whispered in his phone.

“ No I was about to go to bed. Why are you whispering?”

“Katie’s already asleep. I needed to make sure of something. Could you check if there is a red present on my desk please?”

“Now?” groaned Alex, eyeing his welcoming bed.

“Please mate, I was supposed to give it to her tonight but I couldn’t find it in my bag. I want to know if I forgot it in my room.”

Alex sighted as he walked to his door and then to Chris’ room in front of his, he spotted the red package right away and as he told Chris about it, he heard footsteps in the corridor. He looked up and a heated bolt hits him right in the lower stomach. Ross was walking towards him, wearing only dark grey sweat pants and nothing else.

“Is it Trott? I need to talk to him.”

Alex managed to nod and after mumbling an apology to Trott, handed him the phone. Ross’ piercing blue eyes crossed his as he starts talking to their shorter friend.

Alex walked back in his room and sat at the end of his bed as he felt his legs weakened under him. What  _the hell_  was wrong with him?  It was like he had no control over nor his body or mind.

He looked at Ross, who was leaning against the doorframe of Alex’s room and listening to Trott. This time heat made its way right in his boxers as he watched him lick his lips and scratch his stomach, absentmindedly. Running a hand through his messy hair, Alex swallowed hard as he spotted the dark hairy trail running from Ross’ navel to inside his pants.

Something was steering inside of him and he let his mind wander.

Ross’ laugh snapped him out of his heated trance and he tried to get himself together as he heard Ross saying goodbye to Trott. Alex cleared his throat and brushed his auburn locks with his hands, as he was about to get on his feet, Ross walked over to him and handed him his phone.

“Thanks mate! G’night for good this time” he grinned at Alex whose stomach twisted and he turned to step out of the door and slowly closing it behind him.

Alex didn’t move a finger as he glimpsed a look at Ross’ butt,  _really nice butt_ , walking away for him. Once he heard Ross’ door closing at the end of the hallway, he groaned loudly as he fell back in his bed.

After a few minutes, he climbed under his covers, and lying there he took a few deep breaths. This couldn't be happening. 

He tried to stop thinking about it but every second was taking him back to Ross body, his hands, the tiny freckles on his bare shoulders, his flat stomach, the hair tracing a path down.  _STOP_. A path he was really eager to discover with his own fingers, or better his mouth, or his tongue.  _STOP_. And the way it felt when he smiled at him.  _STOP NOW_. Alex could feel himself growing harder between his legs.

Oh my god, he was going crazy, he had finally lost his marbles for good, or karma was playing him a nasty trick on him. After being a dick to about everyone for so long, it was the only way to balance everything.  He promised himself from now on he was going to start being nicer and maybe, maybe those thoughts would go away. Yeah it was going to work.  _Definitely_. And not really believing it himself, he fell asleep.

 

Alex turned in his bed and took a quick look at the alarm clock on his bedside table.  **6:40**. He sighted and turned again. It was Sunday morning, he could have sleep as much as he wanted, but to be honest Alex wasn’t sure he wanted to sleep. He was dreading having another dream about Ross.

 The last one felt so real and when he woke up he was shivering and painfully hard. Resisting the urge to jerk off to his best friend, he decided to take a cold shower and went back to bed. And now, lying in his bed he was battling with his mind, trying not to think about Ross. But undoubtedly failing.

 He swore and got out of bed; he dressed with a sweat pant, an old t shirt, laced his snickers and grabbed his iPod. Once in the kitchen, he was welcomed by joyous barks, Max, Ross’ dog almost jumped on him.

 “Shhhhsshh, you’re gonna wake Ross.”

 Max stopped barking like he understood. Alex took his leash and got out of the house with Max on his heels.

 He ran for almost an hour, music blasting in his ears, Max running happily alongside him.

Back at the house, he took a shower and hearing his stomach grumbled, he went down to the kitchen.

 “Morning, you’re up early.”

 Ross was seated at the American bar, eating cereals and meddling with his phone. Alex could feel his lower stomach twitch and he swore internally at the effect Ross had on him.

 “Yeah, I went for a jog with Max. I had trouble sleeping.”

 Alex ran nervously a hand through his still wait hair, and cleared his throat.

 “Coffee?”

 “Sure, thanks.” Ross frowned as he sees Alex reaching for the coffee pot.

 “You alright Smith?”

 “Hmmmm what?” Alex absently replied as he was focused on turning on the coffee machine.

 “You alright? What’s going on?”

 Alex froze for a second, his heart clenched in his chest and he started fighting against the machine.

 “What do you mean?” he uttered, his voice lightly trailing off. He swore under his breath at his lack of control.

 “You went running at 6 in the morning. On a Sunday. Smith, mate, the only times where you are up this early is when you never got to bed in the first place. Or when you have to get up for your airsoft’s weekends and even then you need about 12 alarms to move. Spill the beans, man, what’s wrong?”

 For the love of God, Alex just wanted to get his coffee, go back to bed and avoided talking to Ross as much as possible and if he usually loved their morning banter, right now it just reminded him of why he was so tired and frustrated.

 “Nothing! Okay? Nothing’s wrong! Everything’s peachy.” snapped Alex.

 “Peachy?” Ross raised an eyebrow. His tone was clearly sarcastic. “It must be really bad if you…”

 “Just fucking let it go Ross!” Alex yelled, throwing the coffee in the sink and storming out of the kitchen.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that day, he was disturbed by a soft knock on his door.

“Smith?” Trott muffled voice resonated in his room.

“What?”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure”. Alex moved on his bed and sat at the end of it. He looked up at his friend, who was watching him with a careful smile.

“Did Ross send you?” said Alex with an almost angry voice. Fuck not again. Try to stay calm.

Trott frowned.

“He was just worried about you, Smith. He told me what happened this morning.”

“Of course he fucking did.” mumbled Alex.

“What’s going on with you?”

“It’s none of your business!” he snapped childishly.

“It is my fucking business when my best friend is being such a dick about it!”

Alex felt like Trott had slapped him. He looked at him in shock but saw only worries in Trott’s eyes. Alex’s shoulders dropped down and he put his head in his hands while whispering an apology. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and Trott said calmly to him.

“Look, whatever is going on with you, just knows we’re both here for you okay? If you ever need someone to talk to.”

“Thanks Trott.”

“Anytime mate. Are you coming down for dinner?” His friend asked while leaving the room.

“Sure. I’ll be there in a sec.” he replied.

 

When he found his friends in the kitchen, he apologized to Ross, trying to ignore the flaming heat rushing through him.

The black haired man smiled in front of Smith blushing, blaming it to his probable shame of his actions. “Don’t worry about it, Smith. We all got our bad days.”

Alex melted inside at the sight of Ross grinning at him and replied with a shy smile.

“ Do you want me to cook something? As an apology.”

“Ross put a pizza in the oven. It’ll be ready soon.” informed Trott as he handed him a beer.

 

The next morning, Alex felt his bed lowered and a big wet tongue ran on his cheek.

“Max!!” he tried to push away the dog while wiping out the drool of his face, Max jumped on him and tried to lick his face again.

“Okay, okay I’m up.” He laughed, getting out of bed.

He found Ross in the kitchen, making eggs and bacon, or at least trying. He had put everything in the same pan and it was a mess. A warn feeling crept inside of him but this time Alex smiled fondly, watching Ross struggle with the pan and a wooden spoon and curse under his breath.

“Hey!”

“Hey! Did you fall off of bed?” greeted Ross, giving a quick look at Smith’s unruly hair.

“Nah, Max woke me up.” 

“What? Oh I’m sorry man. Max, bad doggie! ” He gave Max a pissed off look, but the Labrador, unimpressed, barked happily at him, and came to sat by his side, panting.

They both laughed and Alex shyly asked Ross if he needed any help.

“Sure, can you take care of the bacon and eggs please? I don’t know what I did, but it doesn't look like the ones you usually make.”

Alex chuckled while taking Ross’ place in front of the pan. His friend gave him the spoon and watched him fixed their breakfast. Feeling Ross’ gaze on him made him slightly blush, but for once he let the warm wave coursing through his body and enjoyed it. It felt so natural between them, effortless, when he was not trying to fight his feelings. He was happy right here, right now, cooking breakfast, listening to Ross’ laugh.

 

After a few weeks, Alex got to a point where he could actually feel normal around Ross. There were little things that were almost impossible to see, but those were the things that drove him crazy. Like the adorable noises Ross made when he yawned, the tinkle in his eyes when he laughed, the way he hummed softly whenever he drove. Or the way he absently curled the cords of his hoodie around his fingers when he talked.

Like he was doing right now, deep in conversation with Sjin about their latest adventures in GTA and completely oblivious to Alex’s dreamy gaze on him. With a few other Yogs, they had decided after work to go to their favorite pub near Yogtowers and an hour later, Alex was finding himself stroking his beer, biting his lips and completely lost in Ross’ sighting.

“Smith, I think the girl at your ten’o’ clock is looking at you.” Alex jumped when he heard Hannah’s voice when she leaned against him.

He looked up to the said girl who, crossing his eyes, blushed and snapped her head down. Alex smiled sadly, the girl was cute for sure but it would be unfair to give her false hopes on something that would never happen. Hannah pushed him with her shoulder.

“Go talk to her, you idiot.”

“What? No!” Alex had spoken louder than he though and everybody around the table stopped talking and looked at him.

“What’s going on?” asked Lewis.

“Smith is being eyed by that cute girl over there but he won’t talk to her!” divulged Hannah.

“Since when you afraid of chatting up a girl, Smiffy?” joked Kim.

“I’m not afraid! I… I’m just not in the mood tonight.” Smith defended himself, while he tried really hard not to look at Ross.

“Oh come on, you always in the mood!” insisted Kim. 

“Wow, nice is that really how you see me?” asked Alex, half hurt, half amused.

“Like a horny bastard? Yeah!” taunted Ross, trying to contain a smile.

Everybody laughed, even Alex who looked at his friend, their eyes crossing for a few seconds. Ross ran a hand through his hair and winked at him, before going back to his talk with Sjin. 

Alex blushed.  
Fiercely. 

He took a sip of his beer while looking around to see if anyone noticed their exchange. His eyes fell on Trott’s amused smile, the smaller man giving him a contented look. Alex raised an eyebrow and silently articulated.

“What?”

Trott smiled wider and took a quick glance at Ross before watching Alex again. The bearded man blushed slightly, but putting himself together fairly quickly, gave a confused look to his shorter friend. Trott rolled his eyes and decided to drop the subject; Smith was way too stubborn to admit anything anyway.

 

On the same night, too knackered to cook anything, the three friends decided to stop by Mcdonalds’ drive in. Once at home, Trott set up a movie while the other two divided the food.

“Hey Trottimus, want some nuggs?” Teased Alex, shaking the little box under his friend’s nose. He laughed, chorused by Ross when they saw Trott’s disgusted face. They all knew that Trott couldn't see nuggets without gagging since their last livestream.

Comfortably settled in the couch between his two friends, Alex felt asleep without even realizing it. He was woken up by Ross, who smiled gently at him while Trott switched off the TV in front of them.

“Are you sleeping alright Smith? You seem really tired lately.”

“Because he’s spending all his nights wanking, the horny bastard!” giggled Trott.

Smith grunted something about the stupid rain keeping him up all night while flipping his middle finger at Trott.

Of course, he couldn't tell Ross that he stayed hours just lying in his bed thinking about him. Because while he had acknowledged his crush on his best friend, it didn't mean he was completely okay with it yet. He felt guilty about his feelings, frustrated that he couldn't act on them and scared of what could happen if he did.

It was also so hard to keep it to himself, because even if he mastered his physical reaction to Ross’ presence around him (most of the time anyway), Alex noticed Trott’s knowing look plastered on his face every time his friend caught him looking at Ross.

Alex didn't want to involve Trott. Not now, not yet. Telling him, admitting his feelings for his other best friend would make things too real and he knew his shorter friend would advise him to do something about it, either tell Ross or move on . But Alex wasn't ready to do either of that.

 

“See you next time, Smith!”

“Bye guys!”

Smith opened his car and put his bag in the trunk, taking back his cellphone, left behind for the weekend of airsoft in the English countryside. He switched it on while putting the heat on in his car and he blew in his hands as an attempt to regain some feelings at the tip of his fingers.

As he was about to turn the engine on, he looked at his phone and frowned. 21 missed calls. Mostly from Trott, but also some from other Yogs. What the hell was going on? He called Trott right away, who answered after two ringtones.

“Smith? Thank god!”

“Trott, what’s going on?” He felt even more worried after hearing Trott’s strained voice.

“Are you home?”

“What? No I’m just leaving the guys. Trott what…”

“Just call back when you’re back home okay? I don’t…”

“Christopher Trott, are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on?” yelled Smith down the receiver. “I’ve got about 20 missed calls from you and the guys over the week end and I’m not leaving until I know what’s going on!”

“Smith…”

“For fuck sakes, Trott, I swear…”

“Ross had an accident.” 

The shock knocked the breath out of Smith and he shut his eyes as he felt a cold bite on his heart. 

“What happened?” He asked, after a moment, his voice surprisingly calm for the state he was in right now.

“Car accident. A drunk idiot crashed into his car. He took a big blow to the head, and broke his arm. He’s at the hospital but he’s out of the woods. The doctors are just keeping him a few days to be sure.”

“When?”

“Yesterday.”

“I’m coming home.”

“Smith, are you sure you can drive? That’s pretty big news...”

“I’ll be there in a few hours.” He hanged up and throwing the phone on the passenger side, he swallowed the tears which had started streaming down his face as Trott talked. He took a few deep breaths and turned the engine on.

 

He parked at the Bristol Hospital, jumped out of his car and jogged to the entrance. Grasping the front desk, he asked abruptly to the attending nurse:

“I’m here to see Ross Hornby. He had a car accident yesterday.”

The nurse looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He looked down at himself and realized he was still wearing his camo gear and was probably also still have his face painted in black and green. But he didn’t care.

“Room 321. Third floor if you take this elevator.”

“Thank you.”

He ran to the elevator and pushed several times at the button, as it was going to make the damn thing faster.

He tried to wash his face a bit with the help of the elevator’s mirror. But as soon as the door pinged, he leaped out of the elevator and, scanning the rooms’ numbers, he felt tears blurring his vision.


	3. Chapter 3

Room 321.

Alex heard Ross’ laugh from behind the door and the tears burned in his eyes. Once again, he tried to calm himself by taking deep breaths. Ross was fine. He was laughing. He was alive. He was here.

Alex knocked at the door and after hearing Ross’ voice, allowing him to enter, he pushed slowly the door. He was not prepared for what he saw.

Ross was lying in the hospital bed, his head wrapped with a thick bandage, the right side of his face covered with cuts and bruises along with a black eye, Alex could see a white compress peeking out of the collar of Ross’ hospital gown and a blue cast was covering his right arm.

“Ross…” Alex’ breath caught in his throat as a cold feeling surrounded his heart.  
Ross’ face lighted up when he saw Smith and he tried to move up in his bed but cringed immediately with a groan, pain flashing through his features.

“Hi Smith!” welcomed a familiar voice on his right.

Alex was so focused on Ross, he hadn’t notice Lewis and Hannah sat on the room’s couch.

“Oh. Hey guys.” He replied, dragging his gaze away from Ross.

“You look like hell. Did you come back straight from your weekend? You should have…” Lewis didn’t get to finish his sentence as Hannah elbowed him in the ribs.

“We’re gonna go home, it’s getting late. You’re in good hands now Ross.” She said as she turned to smile at Smith.

Ross’ voice was a bit harsh, like he had a really dry throat when he thanked them for coming.

Hannah slowly closed the door as her and Lewis left them alone in the hospital’s room.

Ross looked at Alex, who had move to the end of his bed. He smiled shyly.

“Hey.”

“Hey”. Smith swallowed hard, and went to stand by Ross’ side, trying to fight the tears rolling down his face, but failing miserably. His heart and stomach hurt so much and he didn’t know what to do.

Seeing his friend crying, Ross took Alex’s hand in his, and hold it tight.

“I’m fine Smith. It’s okay.”

“You could have died, Ross. I … I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.” Alex voice’s broke and his sobbing got uncontrollable. Ross, with his free hand, took him in a hug, and ran his fingers through Alex’s messy hair.

Alex’s smell was thick with sweat and dirt. Ross quickly smiled at the fact that his friend didn’t even take the time to have a shower before coming to see him.

“Shhhh. You are here now. And I’m here.” He said softly in Alex’s ear. And Alex wished he could have stay here, in Ross’ arms, pressed against his chest listening to him whispering calmly in his ear. But he got himself together and getting up, out of Ross embrace, he looked again at his bruised face as Ross explained:

“It could have been much worse, you know. I just have a few bruises and cuts, some broken bones and a mild concussion.”

“How’s your head?”. asked Alex, bringing a chair closer to the bed. He let himself fall in it while listening to Ross’ answer.

“I have a good headache, but mostly fine. The doctors though it was worst because I passed out in the ambo, but it was not much. No damage to the brain, not even a little memory loss.” And he added with a mischievous smile. “I wanted to make you believe I couldn’t remember you but Trott thought it was too cruel.”

Alex chuckled, happy that Ross didn’t lose his strange sense of humour and they talked for a moment, until a nurse came in the room and asked for Ross to rest. The visit’s hours were almost done for the day anyway and Alex found himself exhausted, drained emotionally and physically.

“I’ll come back tomorrow okay?” He told Ross who nodded at him, and following an urge, Alex kissed him on the forehead.

He then walked out the door, oblivious to a very flustered Ross and a very amused nurse.

 

Closing the front door of their house, Alex called “Trott?”

“In the kitchen!”

“Hey.”

“Hey! Lewis told me you stopped by the hospital.” said Trott as he poured dog food in Max’s bowl. But the dog didn’t seem hungry, instead he went to Alex and pushed him softly in the knee with his snout. Alex crouched down and pet him as he replied to Trott.

“Yeah I was there until now.”

“How was he?”

“Good. I mean, not too bad. It was a shock to see him like that you know.” As he said that, Alex could feel the tears burning his eyelids, and he buried his face in Max’s fur.

Despite Alex’s efforts to hide it, Trott noticed his friend’s distress.

“What about you? How are you feeling?”

“I … I’m tired, I guess. And hungry. But I need a shower before anything else.” Alex stood up and turning his back on Trott, wiped his eyes.

Trott quickly realized he wouldn’t get anything more from him. Alex was not good at sharing his feelings. Understatement of the year, right there.

“Of course. I’ll leave you something to eat.” He offered.

“Thanks mate.” replied Alex as he left the kitchen.

 

Stepping in the shower, he didn’t fight the tears and let them streaming down his face silently. Ross is fine, he’s alive. Everything will be okay. Back to the way things were before. And Alex’s heart clenched at the though.

If before the accident, he never really thought about acting on his feelings as he was so focused on making sure Ross never found out about them in the first place, the thought of losing him forever certainly put things in perspective. Alex wanted more, he wanted to be with Ross, taking him on date. Kissing him. _STOP!_

 _How can I be so selfish!_ Alex shook his head. _Ross is in the hospital for Christ sakes and I’m just whining like a baby. He needs a friend right now, a helpful and supportive friend. He needs me to be strong. And that’s exactly what I’m going to be. Nothing more. Just Smith, his strong-minded and entertaining friend._

Set on his decision, he got out of the shower, and after drying himself and putting his pajamas on, he went downstairs.

Grabbing the plate Trott had left for him in the kitchen, he went to sit on the couch by the smaller brunet side, who was playing Trials on the TV, Max lying down at his feet.

“Thanks for the food.” Alex’s voice was stretch when he talked, and Trott flipped his head back to his friend.

Noticing Alex’s red eyes, he opened his mouth to say something but decided not to torture his friend more than he already was and just hummed in response.

Alex was watching Trott crashed again and again on a particularly tricky part of the map when his phone rang briefly in his pocket.

He smiled when he saw the name of the sender.

Ross : “I thought the hospital’s jello was a cliché. But it’s not.”

Attached to the text was a picture of a small pot of green jello on what looked like a hospital tray.

Alex chuckled and answered quickly.

A : Don’t worry I will eat it for you tomorrow.

R : Don’t tell me you like jello.

A : I LOVE jello.

R : Of course you do.

A : How is your night so far?

R : Not bad. I have a roommate.

A : Is he as charming as me?

R : WAY more charming than you.

A : What?? How so?

R : Well, first of all he’s not talking.

A : Wow that’s hurtful.

R : Yeah he’s asleep since he got here. Btw I will have to sleep too soon. The nurse has a very strict curfew.

A : What? And you telling me you can’t charm you way out of it? Give her some of you puppy dog eyes. No one can say no to that.

R : No one? You sure?

Alex hesitated over his phone, erasing his intended text “I know I can’t.” for a safer “No one I know anyway.”

He waited for Ross’ answer, holding his breath.

R: I don’t think it will work on her, she talked a lot about and I quote “my charming army friend”.

Alex chuckled and sighted happily.

A : Well at least her, she thinks I’m charming.

R: You’re an idiot.

A : Maybe but I’m charming :)”

Alex was now full on grinning and didn’t notice that Trott had stopped playing to watch him.

“Is that Ross?” asked his shorter friend.

“Oh. Huh. Yeah.” answered Alex, not even raising his eyes from the screen of his phone.

Trott smirked knowingly and resumed playing.

R : “Seriously I have to go now, she’s on to me. Night Smith.

A : Goodnight mate, and don’t let anyone eat my jello ok?” He quickly added. “Keep it secret. Keep it safe.”

R : I don’t think anyone would want it anyway.”

 

The morning after, Alex really tried to focus on his computer screen but his thoughts were relentlessly taking him back to Ross. He wanted so bad to be with him right now. Not doing that stupid editing.

He suddenly jumped when he heard Trott say his name.

“Earth to Smith. Are you there?”

“Yeah. Sorry I just… zoned out for a minute.” He checked his computer clock and was surprised to see it was already close to noon.

“Just go see him now. I’ll finish here.”

“But Trott…” started Alex.

“Look, you’re completely useless here anyway so just go, I’ll pick up something for lunch and meet you there, ‘kay sunshine?”

“Thanks mate”. Alex quickly took his phone, his jacket and car keys, and waving at Trott, he smiled. He just had an idea.

 

On his way to the hospital, he stopped at a shop and ran down the aisles until he found what he was looking for.

Once at the hospital, a package under his arm, he bumped into the nurse from the day before and asked her about the second part of his plan.

Ross was fidgeting with his phone when Alex entered, and once again the ginger man’s heart tightened in his chest when he saw Ross. The thick bandage was gone, replaced by a smaller one on the right side of Ross’s head but he still looked like crap. Once again, Ross’ face lid up when he saw his friend. He then took a confused look when he saw Alex pushed a wheelchair with a large kinder package on it.

“What is all that?” He asked.

“Well. I will trade you all your jello for this.” Alex put the kinder package on Ross mobile table.

“Deal.” Ross chuckled.

“And your nurse and I decided it would be good for you to take some fresh air for lunch.”

“She agreed to this?”

“Well I had to use some of my charms but yeah she did.” joked Alex

Ross laughed and Alex melted at this sound, his heart bursting with joy. He wasn’t regretting his idea at all.

He helped Ross get on the wheelchair and let his hand linger on Ross’ shoulder a bit more than it should have. Alex took a blanket and put it on Ross laps while he explained that Trott will meet them later with some food.

Ross took some kinders from the package and Alex sighted in fake exasperation.

“It’s just for the road.” complained Ross in front of Alex’s judging look.

“Ross it’s not a fucking road trip! We’re going across the street.”

“Still I’m hungry. And if you’re not nice, I won’t share.”

“I’m pushing you, I think it’s a pretty nice thing to do, mate.”

“Fair enough, I will keep you one.” They both laughed and grinning like mad men, the two friends went to the elevator, talking excitedly.

 

Ross took a deep breath once outside. It was surprisingly sunny but still a bit chill, he noticed as he silently thanked Alex for the blanket. Alex pushed the wheelchair in direction of a small park in front of the hospital.

After finding an empty bench, he blocked Ross’ wheelchair and sat in front of him. Ross handed him a kinder and asked about Max. They talked about Ross’ dog until Alex’s phone rang and he told Trott about the park. A few minutes later, their friend appeared with two brown bags and he was welcomed by happy cheers from his hungry friends.

“Hey I took some burritos. Figured it would be easier to eat than Chinese food.” Trott said, his look falling on Ross’ cast.

“Ahah. Yeah, good point.” laughed Ross

They ate in silence, appreciating the tasty food. They then spend a couple of hours in the park, talking and joking.

Ross yawned and even if he tried to hide it behind his hand, it didn’t escape his friends. They decided that Alex would bring back Ross to his room while Trott would go back to the office to make sure the videos of the day were getting released in time.

 

Once Ross back in his room soundly, Alex took a chair next to the bed to watch over him and eat a jello, while his friend was slowly falling asleep.

Playing with his phone, Alex looked up at Ross when his friend started to moan in his sleep. It was not the kind of moan which could normally send shivers down Alex’s spine, but more of a distressed one.

Ross was now fidgeting in his bed, muttering in his sleep. Alex got up as Ross became more and more agitated. Alex put a hand on his shoulder and tried to wake him up.

“Mate?”

“No. No. No.” muttered Ross, still asleep.

“Ross, wake up, you’re having a bad dream.”

“No. No. NOOO!”

This time Ross shouted and woke up, sat on his bed, his whole body shaking, sweat dripping from his forehead. He looked absolutely terrified.

“Ross?”

“Smith.” Ross’ face seemed to relax when he saw his friend looking at him.

“You okay? Shit son, you scared the crap out of me.” exhaled Alex.

Ross took a deep breath and fell down on his bed.

“ Sorry. I’m not sleeping really well since the … the accident.”

“You mean it happened before?” Alex asked, worried.

“Ugh. About… about every time I’m asleep.”

“Ross…” Alex started, his heart tightening in his chest. Ross interrupted him.

“It’s okay really. The doctors said it was normal after an accident, to relive it, and having trouble sleeping.”

“That was going on? You seeing your accident?

“Yeah. Some details change, but mostly yeah. I can see the lights of the car, and the noise, I feel like I’m pushed outside my body and… and…” Ross’ voice broke and Alex could see tears in his friend’s eyes.

“Eh. Eh. It’s okay, it’s over, you’re fine Ross.”

He took him in his arms and hugged his best friend tight. Alex felt Ross sniffed in his neck and he pressed his nose on Ross’ temple. He would give anything to make him feel better, to be able to do something, anything to ease his pain.

Ross eventually calmed down and he told Alex while slowly pushing him away.

“Smith. You should go. You’ve been here all day. You probably have something else to do.”

“I feel better, I’ll be fine.” He insisted before his friend had the time to reply. But Alex was having none of it.

”Bullocks. You won’t get rid of me that easily. What about we watch a bit of telly.” Alex took the remote and switch on the TV hanged on the hospital’s wall. He turned to Ross, who gave him a genuine smile, Alex felt warmth spreading through his body and staring right in the dark haired man’s eyes, he articulated dramatically:

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Alex hesitated for a second before he said to Ross.

“Now scoot over.”

“What?”

“Move, I’m not spending a minute more on this fucking plastic chair.” complained Alex.

Ross smiled and moved over, allowing Alex to slowly, and very carefully lie down next to him. Alex’s heart jumped out of his chest when without any warning, Ross shifted to put his head of Alex’s chest and put his cast arm on his stomach. Alex shot his eyes and tried to calm down his drumming heart. _Fuck. Fuck. He can surely hear it. How couldn’t he. The whole hospital probably hears it._

“Is it okay? I’m so sorry, it’s just more comfortable like that.” Alex opened his eyes to look down at Ross.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. As long as you comfy.”

“You sure?

As he lost himself in the sea of Ross’ blue eyes, the idea of kissing him right here right now briefly crossed Alex’s mind but he remembered his decision to be a good friend to Ross before anything else.

“Just watch me answering all the questions quicker than that twat.” He answered, breaking the eye contact to look at the TV where the host of some game was talking with a tall bearded guy. Making himself comfortable in the pillows, Alex knocked his shoes off.

Ross chuckled and put back his head on Alex’s chest.

For the first time since Trott told him about Ross’ accident, Alex was feeling totally fine, more than fine even. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant.

“The guy looks a bit like you.” joked Ross.

“Really?” smiled Alex.

“ Yeah you have the same beard.”

And they started bickering on if the game’s contestant looked like Alex or not, and tried to answer faster than the other one at the host’s questions.

Alex could feel Ross fighting against sleep. His answers were slower and sometimes just whispered on Alex’s chest, and Alex smiled fondly when he finally heard a light snore coming from his friend. Slowly, he took the remote and switched off the TV. Catching a glimpse of the nurse watching them across the window with a broad smile on her face, he smiled back, and laying his head on the pillows, his heart glowing, Alex closed his eyes.

 

He woke up a few hours later at the sound of a knock on the door. While he realized that their legs were tightly entangled, that Ross fingers were grasping at his shirt as his own hand was graciously running in Ross’ soft hair, the door opened. Alex looked up and almost fell off the bed.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex woke up a few hours later at the sound of a knock on the door. While he realized Ross fingers were grasping at his shirt and his own hand was graciously running in Ross’ soft hair, the door opened. Alex looked up and almost fell off the bed.

His sudden move made Ross moaned Alex’s surname and Alex blushed. He tried to slowly push Ross away, and passing nervously a hand through his messy hair, Alex stood up next to the bed.

“Mrs and Mr Hornby. Hello.”

“Hi Alex.” Ross’ mother smiled, while his father gave him a confusing look, shifting between his son and Alex.

“We were watching TV… and and… he fell asleep. I…I”

“It’s okay, Alex. I’m glad to see he’s not alone in this. We wished we could have been here sooner but…”

“Mum? Dad?” Alex turned to Ross as the dark-haired man prompted himself on the bed and rubbed his eyes.

“Hello Ross, honey.” greeted his mother.

Ross smiled “What are you guys doing here? I thought you were coming only on Thursday.”

Mrs Hornby went to hug his son as she replied, while Mr Hornby came closer, giving an unreadable look at Alex.

Alex cleared his throat and passed in front of him, took back his shoes discarded on the floor, and quietly went to sit on the hospital couch to put them back on. Once on his feet, he cleared his throat again, and announced that he was leaving.

Ross’ mother protested “Oh Alex hon, are you sure, we don’t want to kick you out…”

“It’s fine, Mrs Hornby. I have to go back to see Trott anyway. You know how he is when you leave him alone for too long.” He chuckled nervously, passing a hand through his hair again, and deliberately trying to avoid Ross’ gaze, he waved and said goodbye.

“Bye Alex. See you soon. And thank you. For taking care of him.” said Mrs Hornby softly.

Alex returned a shy smile at Ross’ mother and gave a quick nod at his father, still stone faced.

His stomach lifted when he heard Ross’ sleepy voice “Bye Smith. Thanks for this afternoon.”

Alex tried really hard not to look at Ross as he knew his face and ears were crimson red and he thought glimpsing at his friend would only make it worst. He said as he turned to walk to the door. “Bye mate, I’ll call you tomorrow okay? Good night.”

Closing the door behind him, he sighted heavily and walked to the elevator. As he waited for it to arrive at his floor, he hit his head against the wall several times, muttering “Idiot. Idiot. Idiot”.

Alex had always liked Ross’ parents, they were adorable people always very nice to him, especially Ross’ mother who cooked him his favorite meal every time Alex has been over to their house. But Alex wasn’t sure what the Hornby would now think of him as they caught him cuddling with their son. But if sharing the bed was Alex’s idea at the start, Ross had been the one closing the gap and made himself comfortable on him. And that though gave Alex a tiny bit of hope.

The elevator pinged and reaching for his pockets, Alex realized, in the hurry to leave the awkward situation, he had left his jacket in the room. The problem was, Alex’s car keys were inside said jacket.

_Fuck._

He turned back and putting his hand on the door knob of his Ross’ room, he froze as he heard his friend talking to his mother. “Mum, it’s not like that.”

“It’s okay honey. We love Alex, you know that. I think he is…”

“He’s just a friend okay?” protested Ross and Alex’s heart dropped as his fingers clenched around the cold handle.

“Then why did we find you like … like … this on your bed?” Mr Hornby’s voice shook a bit while uttering the words. It was not anger, more confusion.

Alex took a deep breath and the idea of running away passed briefly through his mind. But he needed his keys.

“Ross, it’s okay we just…” his hesitant knock on the door interrupted Ross’ mother, and Alex instantly regretted the intrusion when he opened the door and felt the eyes of the 3 Hornby on him.

“Sorry. I just forgot my jacket.” Alex struggled to keep a clear voice as he felt his eyes tickling. Not now. Not yet.

He quickly made his way to his jacket and taking it, looked up at Ross. He bit his lips while he felt the tears burning his eyelids and Ross gave him a worried look. “Smith…” His friend started, only to be interrupted by Alex.

“Sorry for the trouble. Goodnight. Again.”

Alex almost jogged his way out of the hospital room without closing the door behind him. And feeling the tears streaming down his face, he ran down the stairs and to his car.

 

Once inside the vehicle, Alex punched the wheel, trying to numb the overwhelming pain of his heart burning a hole inside his ribcage and the crushing weight of his stomach.

He cursed at Ross’ parents for walking in on them and running the moment or whatever Alex believed was going on then, forcing Ross to deny the even remote idea of anything happening between them. He was also so angry at Ross, thinking how his friend could knew him so well and at the same time be so oblivious.

But mostly, Alex was furious to have let his feelings change his friendship with Ross, clouding his mind and leading him to his present situation.

Because of Ross’ accident, Alex actually though about changing things and take his chance with Ross, once his friend would feel better. Alex still had the hope that maybe if they spent time together and if Alex let his feelings showed a bit more every day, Ross would understand and maybe, just maybe be opened to them and to the idea of starting something with Alex.

But now, resting his head on the mistreated wheel and crying his eyes out, Alex though about how stupid his plan actually was. Of course Ross would not welcome Alex’s feelings with open arms, they were best friends and colleagues, and never they will be anything more.

His phone suddenly interrupted his internal lashing, and before he could help it, his mind automatically thought about Ross. His heart clenched when he saw the name on the screen. _Scrott_. Clearing his throat and trying to speak in a clear voice, he picked up the phone. “Yeah mate?”

“Hey. Are you still at the hospital?” asked Trott.

“Nah. I’m leaving now. Smith replied before swallowing the lump in his throat. He grunted “Ross’ parents are here.”

“Oh really? That’s nice.” Trott tried but Alex knew his friend had picked up on his disgruntled tone.

Alex commented quickly. “Yeah. Look I’ll be there in 10 okay?”

“See you. Drive safe.” And Trott hang up.

 

Pacing in the kitchen, the short brunet looked up when Alex entered the room and right away noticed his friend’s red eyes. He had cried. Again. Trott worried “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Ross’ fine.” dismissed Alex. “He… he was really happy to see his parents so early.”

Alex coudn’t help himself from blushing at the memory of Ross’ parents entering the room to find them wonderfully entangled and his heart clenched. Trott frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but Alex was quicker than him.

“Well. What’s for dinner?” He asked, plastering a forced cheerful expression on his face “I’m fucking starving.”

Trott sighted. Smith was struggling with something but he couldn’t force his friend to tell him anything if he didn’t want to.

 

Lying in his bed the same night, Alex promised himself that he would not let himself get so close with Ross ever again. Like ever. He had to let him go and move on. But deep down that he knew he was not going to hold his promise, especially when his phone rang with a text from Ross.

R : You're asleep?

A : Yes.

R: You’re an idiot.

A : Yeah. You said that before.

Ross’ text came in a few minutes later.

R : You okay?

Alex sighted and his heart tightened a bit more. Alex though for one second telling him the truth but quickly dismissed the idea. He missed the time when he could tell Ross everything. His friend had always patiently heard him out before giving him advice on whatever situation Smith ended up to.  
Trying to think of a suitable answer, Alex took a few deep breaths. His phone rang again.

R: Smith?

Alex quickly wrote.

A : Sorry I’m just tired, you not the only one having trouble sleeping.

R : I didn’t had a nightmare when I slept with you.

R : *on you

R : You know what I mean -_-

Seeing the series of Ross’ flustered texts, Alex couldn’t help a small smile and could feel the heat rushing to his face. But he shook his head. _Fucking calm down you utter twat. No. No._ Images of him and Ross hotly entangled in his bed were flashing through his mind and he closed his eyes, heat creeping up down his lower stomach. He remembered the feeling of Ross’ touch, his head on Alex’s chest, his fingers so tight in his T shirt. His beeping phone made him jumped and he sighed. _So much for letting go._

R : My parents were really happy to see you.

A : Were they?

R : Yeah. And funny story. Apparently when they entered the room and saw us on the bed they thought we were like … together.

Alex held his breath when he saw Ross’ text, when he noticed that Ross was still writing something. He waited. After a few seconds, the writing icon disappeared. _Funny story._ Alex sighed and thought bitterly about Ross’ conversation with his parents. He’s just a friend, okay?

Alex replied “Funny indeed” and decided to switch off his phone. It was unfair to Ross but his friend had made his feelings pretty clear, and Alex had to back off before he did something he would regret. He groaned loudly and buried himself in his cushions. He knew he was falling for his best friend and it terrified him.

 

For the next few days, Alex took his distances, only visiting Ross at the hospital with Trott and letting his shorter friend readjusting Ross’ pillows or helping him out of his bed when needed. And to Trott’s surprise, Alex even volunteered to do most of the editing for their videos while his friend spent time with Ross, distracting him from the boredom of his hospital life.

By the next Sunday, Ross’ doctors cleared him to go home and Alex knew he should have been happy about it. But really it was only going to make harder for him to avoid Ross without raising too much suspicion.

Trott’s hunch on Alex’s sudden change of mood got quickly confirmed by Ross as the dark-haired man told him what happened at the hospital, and without revealing anything to Ross, he reassured him it was probably only temporary and if Alex needed help he knew he could always ask them.

But eventually, as the days dragged on, Alex’s behavior created a tension between him and Ross. They were only talking when recording some old fashion bashing or other games where Ross didn’t actually need to play for too long with them. And still then, they didn’t even talk to each other but exclusively to Trott.

Soon enough, some of the Yogtowers’ residents came to Trott, wondering if the two friends had a fight but Trott had dismissed them, blaming too much work and lack of sleep on both accounts.

Trott knew he had to do something. Until now he had let things unfold as long that it didn’t impact their working relationship but lately some viewers had made some comments about the tensed atmosphere in the last videos. Trott acknowledged the fact that his friends, both butt-headed as there were, needed a little outside push to work things out.

 

The short brunet cornered Alex when his taller friend had flat out refuse to go to lunch with Ross and a few others Yog members. After quickly mumbling an excuse to his friends who left for the restaurant without him, Trott walked to their shared working area, thinking about what he could actually say.

He found Alex sat his desk, headphones on and the diffused brightness of his screen lighting up his focused features.

Trott walked to him and tugged on the cords of his headphones. “Smith. We need to talk.”

Still focused on his screen, Alex smirked “Oh no, Scrott are you breaking up with me?”

“Alex.”

Alex looked up, suddenly worried. Trott rarely called him by his first name and his serious tone finally got his attention.

Trott took a deep breath and simply said. “Look I know what you’re going through right now, and I’m sorry man, okay. I know it’s hard but you can’t avoid Ross forever.”

Alex frowned and turned his head back at his screen. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t do that, Smith.” Trott grabbed his arm and blurted “If you don’t want to talk about it fine, but it’s starting to affect the channel and I can’t let that happen, so you do what you want but please, please try to make an effort.” Alex shook his head but stayed silent, still avoiding his friend’s gaze.

Trott sighed, he really didn’t want to guilt trip his friend but he knew too well it was the only thing that would work on Smith at this point. He explained quickly.

“He’s worried about you, okay. And it’s not helping him getting better. He already barely get any sleep because of his nightmares, he doesn’t need you being a twat on top of things.” He pushed even further “It’s even harder for him because he has no idea what he did wrong and it eats him. He misses you, Smith.”

Alex’s face fell and turning to Trott, he spat “You don’t think I missed him too? What am I supposed to tell him, Trott? That I’m avoiding him because it hurts too much to be in the same room with him, let alone talking to him. I … I can’t… ” he choked on his words and felt his eyes burning. Finally shaking his head as he wiped out the tears gathering on his eyelids, he sighed heavily “I don’t know how to be his friend anymore.”

Trott’s heart sank as he listened to Smith’s outburst. He couldn’t bear seeing his best and longest friend’s so miserable and he hated himself for pushing the next words. “Start with easy things, Smith.” He quickly added “You don’t even have to talk to him for now, just try to do something nice from time to time.”

 

As he walked down in the kitchen next morning, Alex moaned sleepily good morning and grabbing a bowl, he went to sit down next to Ross. As he poured himself some cereals, he asked calmly to his friend.

“How was your night, Ross?”

The dark haired man was so surprised that Alex actually talked to him that he choked on his milk soaked Kellogs. Alex had to clap him on the back to finally be able to swallow and mutter a thanks. He added, with a shy smile and watering eyes.

“Not too bad. I managed to catch a few hours of sleep.”

Alex nodded and started eating his breakfast. Between two bites he offered. “I’m going in town later, if you want I can stop by the pharmacy to pick you up something.”

Ross’ eyes widen as he listened to his taller friend and gave an unsure glance at Trott, sitting in front of him. His friend shrugged and Ross quickly recomposed himself when he saw Alex looking expectantly at him.

“It’s fine. I have some pills. But thanks for offering.”

Alex hummed in response and caught the approving smile on Trott’s face. The exchange had been slightly awkward, but at least it was something.

From this moment on, the atmosphere changed noticeably. Alex was less broody and more helpful and a relieved Ross smiled and laughed more easily.

Trott sighed happily as he watched them cooking together one night, Ross trying to follow by the letter Alex’s instructions and Alex glancing at him from time to time and correcting him if needed. Maybe things would actually get better from now on.

 

Alex was reading on his bed, fighting to keep his eyes open as sleep slowly overtook him. His phone beeped on his side table and he frowned when he saw a text from Ross.

R: Could you help me with something?

A : What?

R : Can you meet me in the bathroom?

Alex tried to ignore the light buzzing of his skin and the jump of his heart. Being around Ross was not so painful most of the days, more a familiar feeling, a lingering pain he became accustom to. If someday, a smile from Ross made his heart sank painfully, most of the time now it would spread butterflies in Alex’s stomach again and he was just glad he hadn’t lost his friend because of his own stupidity.

 

Alex made his way to the bathroom, taking deep breaths to slow down his racing heart. Pausing in front of the door, he hesitated a second before knocking. “Ross? You in there?”

The door slowly opened and Alex joked, mainly to hide how nervous he really was. “Please tell me you’re not naked. Do I need to close my eyes or something? I don’t want to be traumatized for the rest of my life.”

An arm pulled him inside the bathroom and he found himself face to face with a slightly blushing Ross. Alex couldn’t help the ping of attraction that hit his stomach at the sight as Ross closed the door behind him. If only Alex’s body would stop reacting to every little things about Ross, it would be so much easier to actually move on. But at the same time, Alex relished the feeling of his tickling stomach and the sudden warmth of his skin when Ross finally looked at him, flustered.

As he closely observed his friend’s face for the first time in days, Alex noticed that the cuts were almost all healed and his bruises were now greenish yellow, accentuating Ross’ pale skin. But what really stroke him were the dark bags under Ross’ clear blue eyes and the strain in his voice when the dark haired man finally said “Shut up, you idiot, I need your help.”

Alex curled his lips in an amused smile “With what?”

Ross licked his chapped lips nervously, unaware of the devastating effect of his tic on his friend. _Stop. Stop doing that, Ross._ Alex swallowed after he felt his groin twitched in his jeans and he really had to retain himself from pinning Ross on the wall and kissing him until they both out of breath.

Ross avoided the auburn man’s gaze as he said “You have to help me take my shirt off and put the plastic bag over my cast. You know, to keep it dry.”

Alex frowned and tried to control the loops of his heart and stomach as he replied with what he wished to be a perfectly normal voice “You can’t do it by yourself?”

“No okay? Believe me I tried.” Ross snapped back but then he added in a slightly less tense voice. “Look usually I asked Trott but he’s out. Can you help me or not?”

Alex was a bit taken aback by the tone of his friend and he answered quickly. “Okay. Okay. I’ll help you.”

Alex took the plastic bag and tied it around Ross’ cast. He cursed under his breath as he realized his hands started to shake and with a slight hesitation, he reached for the hems of Ross’ tshirt and looked at his friend, who nodded at him. Alex swallowed as he took in how close they were right now and how easy it would be to lean a little and pressed his lips against Ross’.

At that moment, all he could hear was the erratic beat of his own heart echoing in his ears and still maintaining eye contact, Alex slowly took off Ross’ shirt, accidently grazing his fingers along Ross’ soft skin. The contact made them both shivered and Alex bit his lower lip to refrain a groan.

There’s an awkward chuckle from both account when Ross’ head got stuck in the collar of his shirt and ignoring the way the contact with the soft cotton tussled Ross’ dark hair, Alex very carefully finished to remove the top. His breath caught in his throat and dropping the discarded piece of clothes on the floor, he stared at Ross’ now naked chest. Heart hammering in his ribcage, his eyes lingered over the hairy path starting from Ross’ navel and tracing down his jeans and without thinking about it, Alex went for Ross’ belt.

“Smith…” Alex felt his friend’s stomach twitch and the quaver in his voice made him looked up. Drowning in his friend’s eyes, he saw something in the clear blue than took him by surprise and made his head spin. He watched Ross swallowed and the dark haired man said with a slightly clearer voice “I … I think I can take it from here.”

Feeling the heat rushing to his cheeks, Alex’s hands jerked away from Ross’ belt.

“Sure. Sorry. I… I…”, He stuttered, a hand nervously running through his auburn hair as he noticed the matching furious shade of pink of his friend’s face. Finally dragging his eyes away from Ross, he blurted “I should go now.” And storming out of the bathroom, he left behind a breathless and more-confused-than-ever Ross.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sorry for this one, not even for the clichés parts ;)

The day after, they both acted like nothing happened in the bathroom. Pretending had become like a second nature for him, Alex thought bitterly. Pretending he had no feelings for his best friend, pretending he would one day get over him or even pretending he didn’t saw desire in Ross’ eyes when he was undressing him.

The thought had keep him awake all night but he wasn’t so sure anymore. The more he thought about it, the more he told himself he probably saw what he wanted to see. They were just friends, as Ross said it. Nothing had change since that day at the hospital.  
Half asleep, Alex barely heard the door open and light footsteps coming closer. However, he definitely felt the bed lowered and caught a subtle whiff of pomegranate shampoo and sweat. He smiled, warmth spreading rapidly in his chest and whispered “Ross?”

His friend froze and held his breath.

Alex turned quickly to face the flustered man but his smile dropped instantly when he took in Ross’ distraught look. His heart clenched when his friend finally said in a shaky voice.

“Sorry Smith, didn’t mean to wake you up, I … I just couldn’t go back to sleep.”

Alex understood immediately “Your nightmare again?”

Ross nodded as a muffled sob catch in his throat. “I’m sorry, I … I…”

“Oh Ross” Alex sat up and took him in his arms, holding him tight, reassuring him, his heart sinking in front of his friend’s distress and ignoring the growing heat in his stomach “I’m here, okay.”

He let Ross cried in the crook of his neck, feeling the warmth of Ross’ hitching breath and the tears rolling down his collarbone. After a moment, Ross took a few deep breaths and managed to apologize again for waking Alex up and for his intrusion but the redhead quickly assured him he was always welcome in his bed. As the words passed his lips, heat rushed to Alex’s cheeks and Ross chuckled, making Alex shiver and break the embrace.

“I mean, you know, if you need to talk again, or just you know… you you...”

“I know. Thanks Smith.” Ross answered, wiping his face and Alex hand’s twitch as he was about to reach for Ross’ neck where he had seen the shining trace of a past tear. 

Ross smiled at him, looking a bit better and Alex grinned back. He then looked down at his hands, not really knowing what to do with them, or more like it, trying really hard not to take Ross in his arms again.

“Smith… can I stay with you tonight?” Ross almost whispered and Alex looked up quickly at the words to cross Ross’ hopeful eyes. His body suddenly tingled everywhere and he felt heat creeping up back in his stomach. Yes. FUCK YES. Even if he wanted to say no, which he doesn’t, he knew he couldn’t refuse anything to those icy blue eyes.

“Of course.” He replied nervously and laid back on the bed. Ross thanked Alex and settled next to him. Staring at the ceiling, Alex bit his lips for a moment and he decided an apology was long overdue.

“I’m sorry I have been a jerk lately.” He said softly in the silence.

Alex could hear the smile on his friend’s face as he replied. “It’s okay, Smith.”

Alex sighed, happy that Ross seemed to have forgiven him the last weeks. He shut his eyes and thoughts started swirling in his mind. He had to say something, to break the heavy silence, and to distract Ross if he dreaded to fall asleep again.

 _Is it the right moment to tell him why I acted so weirdly? No, probably not. Let’s not do that for now. Or ever. Never is good. Okay. Think of something else to say. Weather? Boring. Politics? Definitely no. The state of taxes? Don’t be an idiot now, Alex. Maybe I could mention what happened in the bathroom? And see how he reacts? No. Too awkward. And too dangerous. What about how his physical rehab doing? Yeah. That’s better. Safe._  


“Ross?” he started prompted himself on his elbow but he realized his friend was already fast asleep and Alex fell back on the bed. He knew he had to stay awake now, to watch over Ross but he also knew he didn’t trust himself enough not to snuggle Ross in his sleep.

 

Alex noticed two things when he woke up the next morning, the first being the numbness of his right arm and the second the familiar tightness in his pajamas pants, both things he can easily attribute to the warm body lay on his right arm. He flinched back his left one, laying lazily across Ross’ waist and tried to slowly move his trapped member from under Ross’ body. The movement rolled the dark haired man on his back and Alex froze. Ross shifted and moaned in his sleep, making Alex’s erection twitched in his tented pants.

Silently as possible, the redhead left his bedroom and went to the bathroom.

Locking the door behind him, Alex took a few deep breaths. Chucking his clothes on the floor, he opened the shower and exhaled deeply at the feel of hot water running down his back. He put one hand on the white tills and the other slide down to curl around his hard length. Hesitating a few seconds, he cursed and started stroking himself in fast movements. He moaned from the relief and choking on Ross’ name, he came a few minutes later. Though it was not the first time he touched himself thinking about his friend (he had cross that line a few weeks ago), every time the guilt and the shame caught up with him as he tried to catch his breath afterwards. Still shaking a bit, he sighed and taking the shower gel bottle, he squeezed a few drops on his hands and started washing himself.

He decided against going back to his bedroom and went down to the kitchen instead. He was still cooking breakfast for Ross and eating his own at the same time when his friend came down, eyes sleepy and movements slow.

“God it smells so good.” Ross greeted with a lazy smile as he settled his back at the counter after picking up a slice of crispy bacon from the plate near Alex.

“How did you sleep?” asked the redhead.

“Great.” Ross replied, and his face dropped a little as he added. “Thanks for letting me stay with you. I seem to sleep better if I have someone near me.”

Alex’s grip on the pan tightened and he joked sharply, mainly to hide his discomfort. “Better find yourself a girlfriend quickly then.”

“Ahah yeah” Ross laughed, oblivious. “Should be easy enough, I look rather dashing with my messed up face and broken arm.” He laughed again, raising his cast but Alex noticed the sting of bitterness in his voice.

Words slipped over his lips before he could stop them. “You forget your ravishing smile and pretty blue eyes.” Alex blushed as he crossed said eyes and so did Ross. “I… I mean any girl would be lucky to have you, you know. You’re a pretty cool fellow.” He mumbled.

_Nice save, idiot. Really smooth. “pretty cool fellow” who even says that?_

“That’s nice, mate.” Ross chuckled “But I’m pretty sure I’m no match to you.” He gestured quickly to Alex’s body and added, before turning back to catch another slice of bacon. “You could have any girl you want.”

Alex blushed fiercely and tried to ignore the heat stirring in his stomach and the drop of his heart. In order to stop the conversation before saying more stupid stuff, Alex gave Ross the plate full on bacon and scramble eggs and pushed him towards the table.

“What I want right now it’s for you to eat your breakfast and get ready or we’re gonna being late for work because of you.”

“You’re one to talk, you’re still in your pajamas.” grunted Ross, his mouth full of bacon.

“Yeah but I don’t spend an hour fixing my hair in the bathroom like you.” Alex replied as he put his own plate and the pan in the dishwasher.

He managed to catch Ross blushing a bit and muttering something about Smith’s naturally good hair and how unfair it was for everyone else.

Alex laughed and ruffling Ross’ hair just to annoy him, he told his friend. “Just hurry up, mate.” He then left the kitchen, heart fluttering, to go to his bedroom. Once dressed, he sat on his bed and took the pillow Ross slept on. He buried his head in it and breathed in Ross’ comfortable smell, making his head spin and his heart race. He has no idea how long he stayed there but Ross suddenly snapped him out of his daydream as his voice echoed from downstairs.

“Smith. I’m ready!”

At the end of the day, Alex struggled to fall asleep. Again. He tried to convince himself that was a good thing that Ross didn’t join him tonight. At least, he would be able to sleep without any fear of Ross waking up before him and noticed his morning boner.

His phone illuminated on his nightstand with a text from Ross.

R : Are you sleeping?

S : No. And you? Nightmare again?

R : That would mean I actually managed to fall asleep. But hey, no sleep = no nightmare

Alex groaned and jumped out of his bed in a beat, ignoring the voice screaming inside his head how terrible the idea was. He made his way to Ross’ bedroom, heart hammering in his chest.

He softly knocked on the door, opened it and hesitated a few seconds on the door step, the crude light of the hallway illuminating Ross’ confused face under his sheets. “Smith?” Alex nodded shyly, not so sure about his plan anymore. But Ross smiled at him and put his phone back on the nightstand while Alex closed the door before crawling in bed with the dark haired man. Without another word, they both settled on their back, staring at the ceiling. This time, Ross was the first to break the silence.

“See, who needs a girlfriend, when I can have you.” he joked.

Alex’s heart dropped and he replied quickly, trying to keep a light tone “Yeah, lucky you. But I’m warning you, I snore.”

“No you don’t.” laughed Ross “You snore only when you drink too much.”

Alex groaned, Ross was right, that little shit knew him too well. Turning his back to his friend to hide his contorted features, he grunted “Shut up and sleep, Ross.” And Alex shut his eyes painfully and forced himself to fall asleep. He was now definitely regretting leaving his own bed to Ross’.

He woke up in the middle of the night, his arm uncomfortably numb as Ross had settled on it again. Eyes lingering on the back of Ross’ head, Alex tried to choose between freeing his arm or settling in Ross’ warmth.

_I could always blame it on my oblivious sleeping state if he woke up before me and questioned it. It would be an awkward moment to pass but it would be so worth it. Just this one time. Just…_

His heart jumped out of his skin when Ross suddenly murmured “Smith?”

Alex held his breath, and panicking he decided to play dead.

He heard Ross muttered something he didn’t quite catch and Alex accidently bite his lower lip when the dark haired man moved closer and settled his back against his chest. Alex’s heart stopped when Ross grabbed his wrist and settled his friend’s arm around his waist and laid his own arm on it. But the contact of his fingers with Ross’ stomach was too much for him and he let escape a muffled moan and he felt Ross froze. Cursing in his head, he buried his nose in Ross’ neck who shivered. Both holding their breaths, Alex didn’t dare do anything else and soon he felt Ross relaxed in his arms and Alex fell quickly asleep, lulled by Ross’ wonderful warmth and smell and his steady breath.

 

Alex opened his eyes to find himself facing a still sleeping Ross and he let escape a relieved sigh as he realized his groin decided to behave this morning. Admiring Ross’ relaxed features and smiling fondly as the dark haired man cutely twitched his nose in his sleep, Alex then swallowed the lump in his throat and listened to the echo of his own heartbeat in his ears. Lifting an arm, he hovered a trembling hand over his friend before brushing very lightly Ross’ arm with his knuckles and slowly moving up to his cheek. The want to kiss Ross was overwhelming just about now, and Alex tried to resist as hard as he could. Deep inside of him, he knew he should go back to his bedroom, that he would never move on if he spent his nights cuddling his friend and watching him sleep. His heart fluttered at the memory of Ross’ pressing against him last night and his brain raced. _He was awake when he cuddled me. He probably wouldn’t have done anything if he knew I was too. Maybe he just needed the comfort. Could it be something more? No. It’s not possible. It can’t be anything else._

Alex’s blood ran cold when he suddenly heard footsteps in the hallway and panicking, he lunged out of Ross’ bed, inadvertently taking the sheets with him. Ross groaned and Alex snapped his head at him, afraid he had woken his friend up. But before he could do anything else, the door opened on Trott, followed by a very excited Max.

“Ross, get up! We…” The short brunet froze when he saw Alex standing near the bed, still half wrapped in Ross’ sheets. The dog jumped on the bed and went to lick Ross’ to wake him while his master groaned for 5 more minutes of sleep.

“Smith. What are you doing here?” Trott finally said in a very calm voice despite the obvious surprise on his face.

“I … I …” stuttered Alex, harboring a look of a deer caught in headlights.

“He’s my anti-nightmare talisman, mate.” answered Ross for him, laughing and pushing softly Max away from his cast arm.

Trott frowned and shoot Alex a crossed glare. The redhead had the good idea to drop his gaze before swallowing loudly.

Their shorter friend was still watching Alex when he announced “Ross, we leave in ten for your rehab appointment so move.” He quickly added. “Smith, can I have a word please?”

Alex followed Trott silently as they made their way to the kitchen and Trott closed the door behind him while Smith pushed himself up on the counter of the kitchen, still avoiding Trott’ eyes. His friend’ voice was strained when he finally talked.

“Did you tell him?”

Alex looked up to watch the brunet with an imploring look “Trott…”

“I’ll take that as a no.” Trott closed his eyes and ran a hand on his forehead before looking at Alex again.

Alex hated to see it, that look of disappointment in his best friend’s eyes when he knew he had screw up. He actually preferred when his friend yelled at him, at least there were something to fight back, but Trott’s calm voice dripped from cold sarcasm when he continued.

“You know, when I asked you to do something nice for him, that’s not exactly what I had in mind, Smith.”

Alex pleaded breathlessly “It’s not what you think, mate. Ross joined me in my bed a couple nights ago. He was a mess, Trott. His nightmares really fuck him up.” Anger slightly cracked his voice when he added “What I was supposed to do? Send him back to his room?”

His friend’s words sliced Alex’s heart like a sharpened sword when Trott finally replied “I never though you took advantage of him.”

“That’s not what…” Alex said in a breath, but Trott interrupted him, raising his voice.

“You stop it or you tell him how you feel.” And he added, with a much calmer, almost apologetic voice. “Look Ross is your friend, I can’t watch you screw that up again, Smith. It’s not fair to him. Or even to you, you can’t keep doing that to yourself for fuck sakes!”

Alex nodded slowly, hiding his face in his hands, elbows resting on his knees. Trott sighed and left the kitchen to call Ross across the house. Alex heard Ross’ muffled answer from upstairs and a minute later, the door closed behind them.

A perfect silence fell on the house, and Alex, wiping out the single tear rolling down his face and dismissing the painful thought that he would actually have to tell Ross they couldn’t sleep in the same bed anymore, pushed himself off the counter and decided to get ready for work.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot of angst in this part, so so sorry. Also not sorry. Enjoy ;)

All day long, Alex tried to tell Ross, actually beginning a sentence but chickening out every chance he had and changing the subject. And he hated himself a little more every time. Even when Trott left for the evening and leaving them alone, he was not able to gather enough courage to start this conversation. And after Ross picked a DVD, Alex let his friend settled next to him on the couch, maybe a little closer that he should have been.

Quite predictably, by the end of the movie, the dark haired man was slowly falling asleep on his shoulder and Alex found himself dangerously close from sleep as well. As much as he wanted to relish the wonderful warmth of Ross’ body pressed against his, he shook his head and turned off the movie, waking up his friend in the process.

“What the..” mumbled Ross, rubbing his yes.

“You were falling asleep on me, mate.” said Alex softly.

Ross murmured sleepily at him with that cute smile that melted Alex’s heart to the core. “Wouldn’t be the first time.”

Alex bravely ignored him and put down the remote on the coffee table, hands slightly shaking.

But then Ross talked again “So where do you want to sleep tonight? I was thinking we could grab some snacks and you know, talked until the first hours of morning and stuff.” Ross smiled at him, eyes filled with hope and it was as though an iron fist clenched suddenly around Alex’s heart. The dark haired man continued, a light chuckle passing his lips. “We would be just like kids having a sleepover.”

Alex groaned and pushed himself out of the couch. “But we’re not kids, Ross. We’re two grown men! It’s …” he paused, avoiding Ross’ surprised gaze and the words mixed up in his brain. He wanted to say so many things right now. _It’s different. It’s new. And scary. But it’s also sooo great. Comforting. And something I want so much it fucking hurts._ But Alex panicked and his treacherous mind pushed the words out of his mouth before he was able to stop them “It’s weird.”

As soon as he said them, the redhead tried to correct his words, to say something to erase what he had just blurted out but his breath caught in his throat when he saw the sudden hurt in Ross’ soft eyes.

The dark haired man mumbled “I thought you were … okay with it, I mean, you came in my bedroom last night. I … I never asked you…”

“I was just trying to help you!” exclaimed Alex, a feeling of dread settling in the pit of his stomach as he saw Ross’ mouth twitched under his words.

_Just shut up, Alex. SHUT UP!!_

Ross stood up suddenly from the couch and shouted, grabbing his head between his hands “What didn’t you say something, Smith?!” Alex looked down, red spreading to his cheeks and decided to stay silent, afraid of making things worst. “Well thank you for your wonderful help, man. I just feel so much better now. Not at all like a bloody stupid idiot.” And the dark haired man walked around the couch in direction of the hallway.

“I’m so sorry, Ross. Please don’t be mad.” pleaded Alex desperately, lounging after him.

Ross stopped in front of his bedroom and turned to the redhead, no trace of anger left on his face. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Sorry. I’m just so tired all the time, Smith. It’s driving me crazy.” he moaned and Alex’s heart sank as he continued with a low voice “I guess it was nice not to have to worry about my nightmares for once.”

Alex smiled sadly “If I could do anything else to help…”

“I know, Smith. It’s okay.”  His friend reassured before entering his room. “Good night.”

He closed the door behind him and Alex’s instinct told him to knock on that door and admit everything to his friend. He actually raised his arm, fingers rolling into a fist, heart hammering in his chest but a few centimeters away from the wooden panel, he stopped and dropped his hand, sighing. He walked slowly to his own room, heart heavy and eyes burning with tears.

A few hours later, laying in his bed alone, Alex was still reliving the scene over and over his head, regretting painfully everything about it.

His heart skipped a beat when he suddenly heard footsteps that stopped in front of his bedroom door. He wiped his tears and propped himself on his elbows, head spinning and heart racing in his chest.

He heard the knock and managed to say in a slightly shaking voice. “Yes?”

The door opened on Trott and Alex’s heart dropped. He fell back on his bed, groaning while Trott closed the door behind him. “Hey, Smith.”

“Are you checking up on me, Scrott? Well, don’t worry, Ross is not hiding under my sheets.” He grunted while looking at the ceiling.

“Smith… That’s not why I’m here.” The brunet sat at the end of the bed. “Look, Ross is getting his cast removed next week. I thought it would be a good idea to throw a little party to celebrate.”

“Great idea, mate.” groaned Alex, swearing inside he had not thought about it himself.

“Can I count on your help? Ross can’t know anything okay, it’s supposed to be a surprise.” insisted Trott.

Alex sighed “Sure.”

“Thanks.” His friend paused and seemed to hesitate a moment before asking “Are you okay?”

“Just peachy, mate.” grunted the stubborn redhead.

Trott swallowed and said “I’m so sorry for what I said this morning, I should have never…”

“No, you were right, mate.” Alex cut him before the brunet could finish his sentence and he sat up in his bed. “It was wrong of me. I can’t do that if he has no idea of how I …” A little whimper from Trott interrupted him. “What?”

Trott looked down, clearly embarrassed. He said under his breath “Well I wouldn’t exactly say he has no idea.”

“You told him?! ” shouted Alex.

“No Smith! I didn’t say anything but he’s not stupid you know, he noticed things. Sometimes you’re not really that …subtle, mate.” cringed the short brunet.

Alex furrowed his brows, ignoring the sudden acceleration of his heart. “What did he tell you?”

 

Trott sighed “He’s confused mostly.”  And he hesitated before admitting “But from what I gathered he didn’t seem completely opposed to the idea of something happening between you two.”

Alex’s heart jumped at his friend’s words, quickly followed by a bitter taste in his mouth “And you’re telling me this now?!”

“I didn’t want you to get your hopes up!” replied the brunet, clearly regretting to have brought up the subject. He had thought Smith would be happy to hear those words, but something obviously changed since this morning.

“What happened, Smith?”

Alex groaned. Was he really that transparent? He thought back at the argument he had with Ross and the definite hurt in his friend’s eyes. He stumbled over his words as he answered Trott “We were watching a movie, and he was falling asleep on me, … we were both exhausted Trott and we’re …kinda fought. I’m pretty sure he hates me right now.” He hid his head between his hands, trying to fight the burning tears gathering in his eyes. How could he have been so stupid?

Trott put a comforting hand on his friend’s knee “Look, I’m sure it’s not too late to fix things. Just think very carefully about your next move, Smith. Okay?”

Alex nodded, sniffing and Trott finally left Alex’s bedroom, sighing heavily.

 

The next few days, Alex was relieved to see that Ross didn’t seem to be mad at him, that or he was pretending that nothing happened. Either way, it gave Alex a slight silver of hope, and thinking about Trott’s words, he started planning something in his head. His short friend had told them he had a date with Katie the day before the party, coinciding with the day of Ross’ appointment to get his cast removed. Alex thought it would be the perfect night, having the house for themselves, to cook a little something for Ross and take the time to calmly talk about things.

The evening in question, while Trott and Ross had left for the hospital, he started his preparations. As he peeled vegetables and cut them in little pieces, he thought back at how Ross had reacted when Alex had help him removed his shirt and the way he cuddled him in his bed and Alex sighed happily, heart fluttering. He settled a nice table for two, unsure if he should have bought roses or candles to add to the setting.

He stirred the vegetables in a wok, breathing in the satisfying smell and his stomach twisted with hunger and a ping of anticipation when he suddenly heard the front door opening. His heart started to race in his chest and he quickly washed his hands on the apron tied around his hips. He smiled heartedly while he listened to his friends bantering excitedly in the hallway, before greeting them as soon as they entered the kitchen.

“Hey! What’s up?”

“Well I’ve got two good news.” Ross raised his arm with a big smile on his face “First : look, no more cast.” He looked so happy and Alex melted inside at the sight of Ross hopping all around the kitchen, like an excited puppy, waving his newly freed arm.

“Congrats! Easy, easy, mate! You don’t want to break it again.” laughed Alex “What’s the second good news?” The redhead crossed eyes with Trott, who immediately looked away.

“I have a date tonight.” announced Ross, still smiling.

Alex’s smile dropped and his insides turned cold on the spot.

“What? With who?” he managed despite the shock.

“A girl I met at the doctor. She also had a car accident a few months ago and we just started talking while we were waiting. She asked me out and I said yes.” Ross said quickly, with an excited voice and completely oblivious to the pain and surprise painted all over Alex’s face.

“She … she asked you out?” Alex exhaled in disbelief.

Ross’ smile disappeared, misinterpreting Alex’s reaction and he cringed “Can you at least not act so surprise that someone actually wants to go on a date with me?”

“What? That’s not … I’m sorry… I just though you… you.” Alex stuttered, Ross looking at him expectantly, while Trott hold his breath, watching his two friends.  _I thought you wanted me_  “You … you were just in the hospital.” finished Alex lamely.

Ross’ looks softened “Don’t worry about me Smith, I’m fine okay? It’s been more than a month now, I think it’s time to get back out there, you know.”  

Alex bravely plastered a smile on his face “You’re right. I’m sorry.” He walked to Ross, and fixing his hair slightly, he added, drowning in his friend’s ice blue eyes. “I’m sure she’s gonna love you, Ross”

Ross, humming happily, left for his bedroom in order to get ready and Alex leaned his arms against the counter, his palms pressed up on the cold surface, head down between his shoulders. Trott watched him in silence, waiting for the imminent outburst. But Alex simply shook his head and without a word, he turned off the fire under the pan and threw the food in the trash. He then started to put away the plates and cutlery, still very calm. Trott impatiently broke the tense silence.

“I’m sorry, Smith. I never thought he would say yes. …I really believe that… that …”

Alex untied his apron and threw it violently on Trott as he left the kitchen “You shouldn’t have told me anything, Trott.”

Closing the door and resting his back against it, Alex waited for the tears, heart burning in his chest. But nothing happened. He even shut his eyes close painfully until flashes of light blinded him, but even after that his eyes were painfully dry. He swore. Did he have finally exhausted all the tears in his body?

He slide his back against the door and sitting on the floor, he took his knees between his arms and hid his head between them. He sighed when he heard the front door closing, probably Ross leaving for his date. He ignored the soft knocks of his door and Trott’s worried voice asking if he was okay. He had no idea how long he stayed there but when he finally raised his head, his room was almost completely dark as night slowly settled outside.

He laid his eyes on his bed and visual memory took him back to the moment Ross had joined him in his bed, scared and seeking the comfort of his best friend. And suddenly Alex couldn’t bear being in his room. Everything was reminding him of Ross and he knew he won’t be able focus on anything, no book, no video game, no music would mend the burning pain he felt inside of him. He stood up, took his keys and jacket and made his way out of his bedroom.

He was surprised to find Trott in the leaving room, watching TV, and the short brunet laid eyes on his jacket. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going out.” said Alex, going to the front door. He heard Trott stood up from the couch and came after him.

“Smith…”

Alex turned on his feet and faced his friend “Are you going to stop me?”

Trott furrowed his eyebrows and said in a determined voice “No, but I’m coming with you.”

“You have a date with Katie.” replied Alex.

“I called her, it’s fine.” dismissed Trott. “I’m not leaving you alone tonight.”

Alex tensed and thought seriously about rebuffing his friend, but he gave up, knowing his friend would not let go easily. He shrugged “Fine. Let’s go then.”

Once at the pub, Smith ignored his empty stomach and started straight with Vodka shots under Trott’s worried gaze. Soon enough, he locked eyes with a blonde girl clearly interested in him and Alex smiled bitterly. Ross was right, he could have any girl he wanted. But he wanted Ross.  _Well, if he’s having fun tonight, why wouldn’t I._

Mind numb with alcohol he got up, ignoring Trott’s questions and walked straight to the girl. He realized too late she had soft grey eyes, way too similar to the dark haired man. He swore internally but plastered a flirtatious grin on his face anyway.

A few minutes after, he was fiercely kissing her against a wall of the bar, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in his heart. Her mouth had a sweet cherry flavor, smooth and pliant against his own, chapped and rough. Alex’s inebriated mind quickly tricked him into thinking he was kissing Ross’ lips, tasting his mouth, pressing against his body. The blonde broke the kiss and he moaned drunkenly under the sudden withdrawal.

Before he was able to say something, Trott grabbed him by the arm, and with a quick apology to the girl, his friend dragged him out of the bar.

“What the fuck man?” Alex slurred.

Trott gave him an apologetic look “I don’t want you to do anything you’d regret.”

“Don’t even…” started Alex.

“Look you’re drunk and hurt, I get it. But if you just want to get even with Ross it’s not fair for that poor girl.”

“Well life isn’t fucking fair, Trott!” yelled the redhead as tears started to blur his vision and he choked on a sob.  _Shit. Of course I can fucking cry now._

Trott sighed “Please just let’s go home, Smith.”

 

Alex woke up early in the morning and as to expect, his head was thrilling with hangover. He made his way down to the kitchen looking for some aspirin, and walking in front of Ross’ door, he had to double back a few steps. The dark haired man’s door was wide open and the room obviously empty, bed still made. The wrenching pain in his heart made its comeback, adding to his throbbing headache.

He cringed as he heard the front door closing and his stomach twisted painfully when he saw Ross’ dishevelled look as he entered the kitchen and greeted Alex carefully “Morning. You’re up early.”

Alex ignored him as he poured himself a big glass of water before swallowing two pills of the welcome medicine. Slamming the empty glass down on the counter, Alex closed his eyes, took a deep breath and walked in front of Ross without a word. His friend grabbed his wrist and pulled on his arm. Alex avoided Ross’ confused gaze and he bit deep in his lower lip when the dark haired man muttered.

“Smith, are you …”

But Alex ripped his arm out of Ross’ hand and left the kitchen, knocking into Trott, who had just entered the room.

“What the…” mumbled the short man with a sleepy voice before he laid eyes on Ross. “Oh.”

“Morning Trott. Is Smith okay?” asked  Ross, brows furrowed.

“Yeah. He just had … “ They both jumped when Alex’s door slammed violently upstairs. “He had a tough night out. Too much to drink, you know.” Trott shrugged, avoiding Ross’ inquiring look. Grabbing a bowl on the cupboard, he questioned “So how was your date?”

“It was okay.” grunted the dark haired man as he sat down in front of the American bar.

“Okay?” repeated Trott, turning to his friend.

Ross blushed a bit under the brunet’s questioning look “We didn’t do anything, Trott.”

“Mate, you slept at her place and you’re telling me nothing happened.” teased the brunet, an amused smile on his lips.

“I slept on her couch. We just talked about … things.” Ross admitted.

Trott understood right away. “Your accidents.”

Ross nodded. “Yeah. And about everything else really, you know. It was nice to speak with someone who could relate.” He added quickly. “No offence to you guys.”

Trott dismissed it quickly before asking “Are you going to see her again?”

“I’m not sure. She was really kind and stuff but I didn’t really felt anything else between us.”

Trott looked indecisively at the kitchen’s door and lowered his voice as he spoke.

“Because of your … thing with Smith?”

“It’s not a thing, Trott. It’s … nothing, okay. Forget about it.” groaned Ross but he blushed fiercely.

“Oh my God.” realized Trott, chuckling incredulously.

“What?”

“You actually like him.”

Ross turned even more red as he tried way too hard to deny it “No, I don’t! I … it’s not true. … And even if I did I’m pretty sure he’s not interested.” He breathed out and insisted, running a hand on his crimson forehead. “Like I told you, I thought there was … something but turned out I misinterpreted the all situation.”

Trott smiled fondly at his flustered friend “You’re just freaking out.”

“No, Trott! He was just being nice to me, okay? He made that pretty clear.”

“He told you that? That he was just being nice?” Trott frowned and he waited for his friend to answer.

“Basically yeah.” exhaled Ross and he leaned his head down as he recalled his fight with Alex and how stupid he had felt at that very moment.

Trott swore, and Ross looked up at him, surprised. The short brunet rubbed his head in his hands and grunted loudly. “You’re going to kill me, you two. Seriously.” And he added, determination set on his face. “Ross, please, listen to me very carefully…”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ross POV for this one, because I felt it was needed. Right?  
> Also t/w for mentions of car accident and death.

How could he have been so blind?

Of course, he had noticed a few things. Looks, small brushes of skin between them, Smith’s insistence on making him laugh when he was down, and the little attentions after his accident. But everything could easily be put on Smith being Smith, and the fact that the redhead had always been a good friend. When Trott finished his explanations and left him alone in the kitchen with his thoughts, Ross’ first reflex had been to stand, wanting to go knock on Smith’s door and tell him, kiss him or whatever thing he would be able to do once in front of him.

But doubts stopped him, Trott had explained that Smith hadn’t done anything because of their friendship and because of Hatfilms. And it was two very good reasons. And two of the most important things in his life. Something he didn’t want to screw up.

Would be worth it? What if it didn’t work? What if they fought? They wouldn’t be able to work together anymore. If any indication, the moment Smith took his distances with him, things unravelled. The tension had been palpable, even by the viewers.

“He’s going through some stuff. Give him time.” Trott said at the time.

And Ross thought. What about me? I just had an accident. I could have died. If anyone has the right to be upset it’s me. What could have been so important in Smith’s life that he shut Ross, and only Ross, completely.

But then his nightmares changed, he’s not sure why exactly (it could have been the ache in his heart added to the constant physical pain resulting from his accident, his lack of sleep or his brain fucking with him) but suddenly he was not alone in the car anymore. Smith was with him, laughing, sparkling blue eyes and soft hair shining in the sun. And then the shock, the sound of tires, of wrecked metal and Smith’s smile was gone. Ross, helpless, watched his friend die in front of him again and again. In some of the nightmares, Ross survived long enough to see the life leave Smith’s eyes. It terrorized him, the fear of losing Smith accentuated by their recent fallout.

But then Smith came back to him, slowly, awkwardly but it had been something. It helped a little bit with his sleep. Not so much with his nightmares. After a particularly violent one, he went to find Smith in his room. He had to make sure he was okay. And of course, his friend was asleep, peaceful, safe, alive. 

Without really thinking, Ross lied down next to him. He didn’t want to leave, going anywhere away from him. Predictably, Smith woke up but instead of being mad, like Ross was afraid he would be, he had been worried and comforting, like nothing happened before and Ross had surrendered to his emotions and cried in his friend’s arms.  After a while, he realized he wouldn’t have the strength to be alone again, so he had asked to say. And Smith had said yes. He even had apologized for his behaviour. And Ross felt asleep quickly for once, reassured by the redhead’s presence next to him.

A bit of panic took over him when he woke up alone the next morning but telltales’ sounds of pans and plates and a delicious smell of bacon had led Ross in the kitchen. Smith had cooked him breakfast and everything was good between them, maybe a little awkward still, but good.

The night after, he had tossed and turned in his bed for what seems hours before sending a text to his friend. Even if he really want to join Smith again, he felt that sleeping once in his best friend's bed was somewhat okay, but slept twice and it was suddenly something else. What he had not expected is for Smith to show up to his room and climb in bed with him. No that he’d complained really. Because it really helped him, Smith being here helped. Ross was able to sleep again and that’s all he wanted for now.

For once, he woke up before the end of his nightmare, feeling Smith’ arm under his ribs.  He thought first about moving it, but in a “fuck it” moment, after checking if his friend was asleep, he settled in Smith’s arms. And God Smith was so warm, his solid body pressed against Ross’ and it was so good when you had spent so many nights alone and scared in your bed. His heart actually jumped out of his chest when his friend had buried his nose in his neck, grazing Ross’ skin with his rough stubble. It made him shivered and the familiar feeling settling in the pit of his stomach took him by surprise, as time seemed to stand still for a moment. But Smith had stopped moving and Ross had fallen asleep again, this time in the comfort of his friend’s arms.

However, he didn’t really had time to think about it as Trott woke them up in the morning. Their smaller friend had been clearly surprised by Smith’s presence and Ross could understand why but what he didn’t get was why he seemed to be mad about it.

 

 

Later, as Trott drove him to his rehab appointment, he quickly picked up on the brunet’s agitated state. Trott was obviously trying to tell him something but seemed to give up every time he actually opened his mouth.

Ross smiled in front of his restless friend “Something on your mind?”

It was enough to get Trott started “Look I know Smith can be a lot to handle sometimes. And I’m glad you seemed to have work on the problems between you two. But you know you can stop him if he’s making you uncomfortable right?”

“What? No, Trott. He’s not making me uncomfortable.” Quite the opposite, the dark haired man thought cheekily. But he just admitted after a silence “I was the one to ask him.”

“Why? asked Trott, softly.

“Because I sleep better if he’s next to me. I’m not sure why.” And Ross probably should have stopped here but he continued “And he’s warm and comfy. I just like sleeping in his arms.” The dark haired man blushed when he realized the meaning of his words.

The side of the brunet’s mouth twitched. Was it a smile? wondered Ross. “Mate, you’re aware Smith is not a teddy bear, he’s a human being. It can get … complicated.”

“I know, that’s why I thought after. But I didn’t ask him anything yesterday. He came on his own.”

Ross saw in the corner of his eye Trott watching him, before looking back at the road.

“Ross… Is there something else here? Something other than comfort or … your nightmares?”

“What do you mean?” Ross knew what his friend was trying to tell him but he didn’t want to make it easy for him.

Trott bit his lips, hesitating before finally asking “Could you by any chance be like … attracted to Smith?”

“I’m not gay, Trott.” He was not. Really. He had never been attracted by a guy before and never even thought about the possibility really. But how could he explain what he was feeling right now towards his stupidly attractive friend.

“That’s not what I asked, Ross.” sighed Trott, and he added before the dark haired man had a chance to argue “It’s not what matters. And you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to. But asked yourself honestly at least, what are you expecting from this?”

Ross replied carefully. “I’m not sure, Trott. I mean I missed him so much lately, I missed how close we were before. I want that back.” That was something he was sure of at least. He wanted his friend back.

“And?” Trott insisted.

The dark haired man shuffled uncomfortably in the car seat and watched outside the window absently as he answered “I don’t know man, sometimes he does stuff and it looks like something else, something more but the minute after it’s gone and I’m not sure if it really happened or if I imagined it. It’s… weird.“

“Weird good or weird bad?”

Ross hesitated “Good. I guess? It’s just most of the times my body is reacting before it even reaches my mind and …”

Trott interrupted him, faint disgust written all over his face “Wow wow stop, I don’t want to know about what your body’s doing, Ross!”

“You asked!” complained his flustered friend.

“Yeah, and I clearly regretted it now.” Trott groaned, but Ross clearly saw him try to hide a smile.

The conversation made him think back about the moment Smith had helped him get undress in the bathroom. He saw something in Smith’s eyes that day, it was no anger anymore, but something softer at first, that quickly changed in a fiery gaze that made Ross’ legs weaken and his heart beat faster. He had tried to fight the heat spreading in his jeans, only increasing under Smith’s touch but when the redhead went for his belt, Ross had the reflex to jump back. When Smith left him and finally managed to slow down his heart, he had wondered if what he was feeling was just a need to be touch, to feel something warm against his skin. It had been so long for him after all. And so did for Smith, he suddenly realized. It had been months since Smith brought back a girl to their place, or even went on a date for that matter.    

 

During their movie night, Ross realized how easily sleep came to him when he was pressed close against Smith and he decided not to fight it. But for some reason Smith had been bothered about it and before Ross realized what happened they were fighting and Smith crushed every hopes Ross had been holding on, even if he never truly admitted them to himself. And God, Smith’s words had cut deep. Ross had never felt so stupid in his life before. He tried not to be mad at his friend, Smith couldn’t know the weight of his words, and Ross decided that if he had to blame someone, it was himself. His vulnerable state clearly made him see things that weren’t there and he just wanted to forget everything. And sleep. Ross wanted to be able to sleep without the fear of his nightmares nagging at his brain. He would have given anything for a good night sleep, really.

 

And at least he knew know and he acted as normal as possible after, tried to keep his brain (and body) in check. And things seemed to look up for him. The day he was finally getting rid of his cast was finally here and he was almost giddy when he entered the hospital waiting room while Trott parked the car. A smile came easily across his face when his eyes met a girl sitting with crutches next to her. She smiled back, and Ross couldn’t help noticing the very endearing way her cheeks seemed to flush under his gaze.

And he thought about the way Smith teased him every time a girl seemed interested in him and Ross’ heart tightened slightly. They sat in silence for a minute before the girl suddenly blurted.

“Bike accident!”

Ross looked at her, surprised.

“Sorry. I was wondering how it happened. You arm.” She explained, flustered as she pointed to Ross’ cast “For me, it was a bike accident. A car ran me over.” She smiled shyly and pulled up her large trouser to show a casted ankle.

“Oh, car accident.” Answered Ross, raising his arm.

She made a face “Ouch.”

“Yeah, but hey I’m getting my cast removed today.” He replied, laughing at her grimace.

She laughed as well, and Ross decided he liked that sound. “Oh that’s good.” She simply said and she seemed to about to ask something else but at this moment, Trott entered the room and sat heavily next to Ross, sighing. Oblivious to the conversation he had just interrupted, the brunet picked up a magazine and started reading.

The girl eyed Ross a few times and he raised an eyebrow. He smiled at her. She smiled back and dropped her gaze. But a few seconds later, she talked again, obviously very nervous about it.

“Sorry. I know we don’t really know each other, but I was wondering if you’d like to go grabbed dinner after maybe. We could talk about or accidents. Or not. Whatever you want to talk about really. It doesn’t have to be our accidents…”

Ross smiled at the flow of words she didn’t seem able to stop and decided to help her “Sure. I would love it.” He barely heard Trott’s gasp behind him as he walked over to the girl to give her his number. Sporting a flashing grin, he came back to Trott, who seemed everything but happy.

Ross frowned “Mate, you’re alright?” But before his friend was able to answer, the doctor appeared and called his name.

With a last smile at the girl, he followed the man who’ll finally free him of his cast.

 

 

When Ross broke the exciting news to Smith, his friend had been worried for him, which was cute really, but Ross was ready. Without his cast, he finally felt he could put the accident behind him, or at least he would try. Things were looking up.

The dinner had been great and the talk surprisingly easy. However, his tired mind kept messing with him as every time the girl was running her hand through her hair, flashes in his brain showed Smith doing the same. Ross loved when Smith was doing that, that gesture was a telltale sign when the redhead was nervous or flustered and it was so bloody endearing. And he suddenly wanted to run his own hand in his friend’s auburn hair, trailing his fingers in the soft curls, and wondered what kind of noise would Smith made under his touch. Would he sigh? Would he moan? Not that Ross thought about it every day, but he always imagined that Smith would be pretty vocal in the bedroom, if his in game loud behaviour was any indication.

“Ross?” His sight focused on the girl’s questioning gaze in front of him and he finally snapped out his thoughts. Shifting on his chair, he cleared his throat and apologized with a somewhat guilty smile. He was on a bloody date and all he could think was what his friend would sound like in bed. What was wrong with him seriously?

The stupidly attractive redhead still at the back of his mind, he tried to focus on the conversation and he realized how good it actually felt to talk to someone who could relate to him. They talked about the physical rehab, she explained she had panic attacks and he told her about his nightmares. He even revealed for the first time about the change in his nightmares, about Smith.

They ended up at her flat, still talking but he suddenly stopped in his ramble when he caught the bemused smile of her face.

“What?”

Her smile spread at his confusion “Well, at the beginning of dinner I was seriously considering kissing you but now…”

“What?” repeated Ross, baffled “What did I do?”

“Ross, you’ve been talking about your friend for the last half hour. A girl knows how to take a hint.” She laughed. Surprisingly enough, she didn’t seem mad about it though.

“What? Smith? It’s not like that.” He denied, shaking his head for good measure.

“Ross, either you haven’t realized it yet or you’re in deep denial, but it’s kind of obvious.” Ross rubbed his face with his palms but stayed silent so she added “Look, they said a near death experience can amplify how you feel about the people in your life. Maybe you already had feelings for him before or maybe it just happened after but…”

“It’s too complicated.” groaned Ross, head in his hands.

This time, she’s the one who didn’t say anything and when Ross looked up, she gave him an encouraging smile.

So he started talking. He talked about everything that happened between them the last month. He told her everything, feeling a bit bad that he was actually admitting to his date that he was having a crush on someone else. But she didn’t stop him, so he kept spilling his guts, far into the night.

They realized how late it was after a while and she offered him her couch. He didn’t sleep at all and left at first light, after leaving her a note to thank her for the evening and the talk, apologizing for everything else.

 

Lost in his thoughts when he absently opened the front door, he was surprised to find his friend in the kitchen, sporting every signs of a hangover. Ross had to stop himself from walking to him and taking him in his arms. And maybe dragged him to bed and massaged his temples until his headache receded. As he realized the intensity of his feelings at this very moment, Smith completely ignored him, his blue eyes cold as ice as Ross caught his look for a second.

It was inconceivable for him to have another talk about Smith, even with Trott so he just dismissed the brunet pressing questions about their mutual friend. But Trott seemed to have enough of it and half-fuming, half-amused, he finally told Ross about Smith’s feelings.

While Smith pointedly ignored him all day long, Ross wasn’t so bothered anymore. At the end of the day, Trott left work slightly early, but not before having a shushed argument with Smith, that Trott obviously won.

After shuffling a few minutes at his desk, the redhead reluctantly made his way to Ross’ blue panel, but before he was able to say something, Ross smirked.

“Let me guess. Trott asked you to distract me while he prepares the house and waits for everyone to arrive?”

Smith seemed legitimately surprised “How did you…?”

“You guys are not very discreet when it comes to planning a surprise party.” joked Ross.

Smith shrugged, without looking at him. “We can’t get back to the house before 9.” And he went back to his desk and put his headphones on, clearly ending the conversation. Ross sighed. It wasn’t gonna be easy.

 

Ten minutes from nine, they left the office and on the way home, Ross finally broke the tensed silence.

“So, if I’m not supposed to know about this, I guess I have to practice my surprised face.” He declared, trying to hide his grin.

Smith looked at him, confused. And suddenly Ross started to make stupid faces in the middle of the street until Smith’s mouth finally pulled in a smile. And after a moment, he even joined him. At the end, they were both laughing before abruptly falling into a content silence. Ross bit his lips nervously as his brain raced.

Smith wanted him. He wanted Smith. They both liked each other so why weren’t they going for it? Smith justified it as too risky—that it wasn’t worth jeopardizing their friendship. But what if it did? What if it worked? Ross realized he was willing to take that risk.

And if you decided you wanted something, and that you were going to let yourself go for it, then what was the point of procrastinating? You made a move, and it either worked, or it didn’t.

Smith’s voice interrupted his internal ramble “You okay, mate? We’re here.”

Ross hadn’t realized they we’re both standing in front of their door, Smith looking at him expectantly, head slightly incline to the side.

“Oh, Yeah.  I just…” Ross took a step closer, licking his lips nervously. He took a big breath and leaned forward and closing his eyes, he kissed Smith. His heart skipped a beat when he felt soft lips against his own. But the redhead made a surprise noise and pushed him back, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted.

They suddenly heard a loud laugh coming from inside the house, followed by multiple people shushing  

Ross swallowed loudly, keeping eye contact with Smith. “Maybe we should go.” He said. And before Smith was able to do anything, Ross entered the house. He was welcomed by yells of “Surprise!” and cheering voices, but all his friends’ faces were just a blur and their voices a distant echo as his brain tried to process what just happened.

He actually made an effort to talk to everyone, ignoring the cold feeling surrounding his heart. And he got drunk, alcohol was helping, definitely. And avoiding Smith also did. That seemed the best thing to do right now. But curiosity got the better of him when he caught sight of his two best friends talking in a corner of their living room.

He couldn’t hear what they were saying but Trott was clearly pissed and Smith looked like he’d been hit by a truck. At some point, the redhead turned to look at him and Ross snapped his head, trying to focus on his conversation with Lewis and Duncan. He actually managed a few words and was pretty pleased with himself before a soft touch on his forearm made him jump, almost spilling his drink all over him.

“Can we talk?” Smith said, and Ross noted the slight quiver in his voice, clashing with the apparent determination set on his friend’s features.

With an apology to Lewis and Duncan, he followed Smith in the hallway.

Smith paced for a moment before actually looking at Ross and stated, hesitantly “You… you… kissed me.”

Ross pouted, cheeks flushed. “And you pushed me away.”

Smith’s face fell and he frowned “I though … I don’t understand.” He ran his hand in his hair and looked up at the ceiling, missing the sudden twitch on Ross’ face at his gesture. He continued, still avoiding Ross’ eyes “I mean, we were good and I even made you dinner but.. but you went on that date.”

“You made me dinner?” asked Ross, surprised. He tried to remember last night, and flashes of Smith in a apron, table set for two and a delicious smell coming from the pan invaded his mind. Oh no. No. No. No.

Smith finally looked at him and Ross clearly saw the hurt in Smith’s eyes and heard the quiver in his voice when Smith blurted “You slept with someone else, Ross! And now you’re kissing me.” The redhead stopped and breathed in. He repeated, more calm than before and obviously puzzled “I don’t understand.”

But Ross did, of course. No wonder Smith had been upset since this morning.

He grabbed Smith’s hand and squeezed it softly when he smiled at his friend “Smith, I didn’t sleep with her.”

“You didn’t?” Smith squeezed back.

“No.”

“But you were out all night, you came back at…” Smith muttered, running his free hand though his messy curls again.

Ross interrupted him “I slept on her couch.” And he rolled his eyes fondly at Smith’s still sceptical face. He grabbed the redhead’s other hand and intertwined their fingers. He then slowly leaning forward, pressed his forehead against Smith’s temple and whispered in his ear “Nothing happened Smith. I couldn’t stop thinking about you, or talking about you even.” He chuckled softly.

Smith broke the contact,cheeks flushed and a smile finally appearing on his face “Really?”

Ross rolled his eyes again.

“Smith, I…”

A sudden loud noise of glass chattering on the floor made them jumped apart, several laughs echoing through the hallway.

As Smith looked at the living room’s door, raising a questioning eyebrow, Ross kept his eyes on his friend’s features, and he wondered if he should try to kiss him again because seriously, it was getting ridiculous. Cards were on the table. They both knew. They were here. But they kept being interrupted. Ross sighed and decidedly, he dragged Smith to his room, heart racing but footsteps definitely lighter than ever.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smuuuut down below ;)

Ross drags Alex to his bedroom and, locking the door behind him, he turns to look expectantly at his friend. Breathing heavily and gaze flickering between Ross’ eyes and his lips, Alex slowly regains all his confidence. He suddenly puts his hands on the dark haired man’s chest and softly pushes him against the door. Their bodies pressing against one another and Alex’s heart pumping loudly in his ears, he takes Ross’ chin with one hand while the other settles on the door near Ross’s right ear. He leans forward to brush softly his nose against Ross’ and with a playful smile, he whispers against his friend’s lips.

“Are you really ditching your own party to fool around with me, Hornby?

“Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.”

They are both smiling when Alex finally presses his lips against Ross’ and moaning at the contact, Alex takes Ross’s head between his hands while Ross grabs Alex by the hips. The kiss is slow, gentle. They take their time to discover each other lips and Alex isn’t aware of holding himself back until Ross’s mouth opens up to him. Feeling the hot press of Ross’ tongue against his own, the dam of Alex’s mind breaks and he puts all his desire, all his frustration of the last months deepening the kiss, thoughts swimming and back arching, pressing even closer to Ross. 

As he pulls back to catch his breath, Ross moans at his sudden withdrawal and reaches up to Alex’s neck and pulls him back in for another kiss. This time the kiss is slower, almost lazy as Ross holds up a hand to run in through Alex’s hair, sending tickling shivers down the redhead’s spine.

Alex’s mind reels when he feels himself growing harder against Ross’ hip and no need to say that it takes a lot of willpower from him to tear himself from Ross’ hot and willing body. He doesn’t know how far they’re taking this tonight and even if his all body is screaming, begging for it, he doesn’t want to rush Ross. He breaks the kiss and is about to say that they should probably go back to the living room when he catches the look on Ross’ face and he suddenly finds himself lost for words. The usual soft ice grey color of Ross’ eyes had turned murky and dark and swallowing hard, Alex lets his friend walk him backwards towards the bed, and he gasps loudly as his legs suddenly hit the solid frame. Ross, still maintaining eye contact, reaches for the hems of Alex’s T-shirt and starts pulling it upwards. Once the garment out of the way, a sudden wave of heat washes over Alex from head to toe and he almost loses his train of thought when he sees Ross watching him expectantly, swollen lips and blown pupils, but the redhead forces himself to refocus. He asks with a trembling voice. “Are you sure?”

For all answer, Ross smirks and pushes his friend on the bed. Bouncing slightly on the mattress, Alex feels his all body buzzing with anticipation and he quickly props himself on his elbows as he watches the dark haired man leans forward and crawls on his all four to stop above him. With a mischievous grin, Ross presses a hand on Alex’s chest, pushing him down on the bed and eyes still trains on Alex’s face, he dips down at the redhead’s exposed stomach to plant a hot kiss just under his navel.

“Oh fuck, Ross.”

Smirking again at the sound of Alex’s gasp, Ross pushes himself on his arms to kiss his friend, but suddenly a flash of pain distorts his features and groaning, he falls beside Alex, holding his right arm.

“Are you okay?” mumbles Alex, suddenly worried.

Ross grimaces and chuckles breathlessly. “Yeah, I just kinda forgot about my arm for a minute there.”

Alex smiles fondly at him, slightly relieved. A heavy silence falls in the room, only disturbed by the noises of the party raging downstairs and the more subtle sound of their breathing. Both rolling to their sides, they just spend a minute watching each other in the eyes before Alex hesitantly reaches out and brushes Ross’ ear with trembling fingers, while the dark haired man closes his eyes and smiles.

Alex then leans forwards and presses his lips very carefully on Ross’. He grins when Ross quickly returns the kiss, parting his lips to welcome Alex’s tongue and reaches for the nape of his neck. It’s a deep, passionate kiss that makes Alex’s head spin and his heart hammer. Ross moans softly, noise muffled by Alex’s lips and the dark haired man bucks his hips slightly to brush over Alex’s side. Pulling back, Alex breathes heavily and looks in Ross’ eyes where all he can see is the obvious want mirroring his own. In a beat, he rolls over on Ross, changing their position.  Now settled between Ross’ legs, the redhead smiles “Maybe I can take it from here.”

Ross’ subsequent chuckle is quickly muted when Alex catches his friend’s mouth with his own and his heart beating at the same rhythm than the muffled music coming from downstairs, Alex pushes his hips down and up against Ross’. Ross bits down a moan and reciprocates the movement. A little awkwardly at first, but quickly finding the right rhythm, their starts grinding against each other and it isn’t long before Alex feels Ross growing harder under him, stirring the hot pool of arousal in his lower stomach.

He breaks the heated kiss and brushes his lips against Ross’ cheek, following the dark stubble that frames his friend’s face. Smiling, he starts pressing hot kisses on Ross’ neck, relishing on the moans of his name bubbling over the dark haired man’s lips. Alex’s hand slides down Ross’ chest and slips under his T-shirt, and propping himself on his other arm and looking up, he locks eyes with Ross and runs his thumb along the treasure trail of hair starting just under Ross’ navel. Ross bits his lower lip and presses his hips up against the touch but Alex firmly grounds him on the bed again.

Maintaining the heated eye contact, the redhead proceeds to unbuckle Ross’s belt, and he can feel the dark haired man twitches and tenses under him when he pops open the button of his jeans and hear him clearly breathing out when he pulls the fly down. After lingering teasingly just above the boxers waistband, Alex slips his hand under and a smile pulling at his lips, he feels his cool fingers grazing soft and fuzzy hair before brushing the very tip of Ross’ erection. Lost in his exploration, he almost jumps when Ross gasps loudly at the contact, eyes shut and his hips bucking off the bed. Panting heavily, Ross stutters. “Wait. Wait.” before reopening his eyes and pushing Alex’s chest with one hand. Alex jerks away his own from his friend’s underwear, suddenly worried he has been too far, too fast.

But Ross sits up with a smile and tugs at his T-shirt and Alex lets out of relieve sigh before helping him taking it off. Ross then kneels in front of him and pushes down both his own jeans and underwear, freeing his length. At the sight of the flushed skin, Alex’ nerves seems to get the better of him and he freezes completely when Ross seats back on his heels. He runs a hand in his hair and stares between the dark haired man’s legs, eyes wide and breath heavy.

“Hey. You okay?” He looks up and finds his friend watching him, worry fairly obvious in his soft blue eyes.

“Sorry, I’m just a bit … nervous I guess.” Alex mutters and Ross smiles at him tenderly and cupping his jaw, he reaches up and kisses Alex, snapping him from his trance.

Ross pulls back just enough to brush his lips against the redhead’s and he whispers softly. “Do you wanna stop?”

Alex breaths out quickly “No. God no.”  And Ross chuckles at his eager tone before Alex muffles him by capturing his soft lips with his owns. Reinstating a heated kiss, Alex’s body suddenly tenses when his friend takes him by the wrist and leads his hand to curl around his erection, heavy and hot and hard in Alex’s palm. They both moan at the contact, noise lost between their fervid mouths and arousal pooling deep inside of them.  Ross puts his own hand back around Alex’s neck and bucks his hips under the touch, slowly thrusting his length between Alex’s fingers. Head spinning and suddenly out of breath, the redhead breaks the kiss, smiling at Ross’ shut eyes and his features contorted with pleasure, and delicately Alex rests his forehead against his friend’s temple. Looking down between them, he watches himself stroking Ross’ arousal over and over while Ross moans and pants, his breath, warm and labored, delightfully tickling Alex’s face.

At the back of his mind, Alex feels the growing tightness of his jeans as the fabric rubs painfully against his hot skin. With a reluctant sigh, he lets go of Ross in order to open his trousers, but hands shaking and cursing under his breath, he struggles to open the button. He misses Ross’ smirk before his friend helps him, grazing his fingers on Alex’s stomach. The redhead feels the button pop, the vibration of the fly being pulled down slowly, agonizingly so, making him shiver in anticipation. In seconds, he is finally able to push down his jeans and underwear at knee’s high and relishing the feeling of his finally freed erection, he waits for Ross to settle back on the mattress. After a nod from his friend, Alex leans over him, settling on his arms and very slowly, very carefully he lies between Ross’ legs, and when warm bare skins finally met, both men gasp hotly.

After a heated moment full of pants and moans, they start to rub wonderfully against each other, Alex closing his eyes and burying his head in the crook of Ross’ neck, gasping, moaning and calling his name. He then starts to plant hot kisses on Ross’ shoulder and grazes his teeth along his collarbone. Sensing his thoughts swimming, he forces himself to clear his head to fully relish on the moment and he focuses on Ross’ moans. And suddenly, each sensation seems multiply by ten. He can feel Ross’ hot breath in his ear, his friend’s fingers tugging and tensing at his hair and the slight tickle of their chest hair brushing between them. His mind reels at the wonderful heat of Ross’ erection in the dip of his hip and at the touch of the soft insides of Ross’ thighs against his sides, now slicked with sweat. A far end of his brain even registers the feeling of the button of Ross’s jeans digging in his thigh. Head spinning and pleasure washing over him in steady waves, he groans at the hot and growing pull in his lower stomach.

“Oh fuck, Smith. I… I’m…” stutters suddenly Ross, throwing his head back, biting his lower lips, face contorted with pleasure.

“You close?” pants Alex in his ear and Ross nods fervently, arching his back. With a smirk, Alex lowers his hand and slowing his thrusts, he plants his fingernails just above the waistband of his friend’s underwear, at knee’s high, and runs them up along Ross’ thigh, digging deeply in the soft skin of his friend. Ross gasps and whimpers Alex’s surname, bucking his hips erratically before coming on their stomachs. Skin sticky but arousal still prominent, the redhead pushes himself on one hand, just hovering over his friend’s shivering body and as he’s about to ask after Ross’ well-being, the dark haired man’s hands skips down Alex’s back and cupping his rear, he pulls him down on him with a groan, Alex’s loud moan echoing in the room when their skin met again.

Ross plants his fingernails deep in Alex’s skin and rubs fervently against him, movements faster than ever thanks to their slick skins. Ross whispers encouragements and bits Alex’s earlobe tentatively. As climax coiled dense and urgent at the base of his spine, Alex kisses Ross hard and he wishes he could drew it out longer, but there is no way, not with the way every nerve in his body is undergoing repeat lightning strikes and his mind is near nuclear melt down

One last grasp of Ross’ fingers deep in his skin and he tumbles over the edge, freezing completely as he comes, brows furrowed, eyes shut painfully and a rough groan of “Oh my God, Ross.” parting his lips as a wave of incredible pleasure shattered him. He then starts shaking uncontrollably, and his arms failing, he collapses on Ross’ body, exhausted by the sheer force of his orgasm.

“Shit Smith.” chuckles Ross breathlessly and Alex lets escape a faint whimper in the crook of his friend’s neck.  Ross presses after a short moment, a bit worried by Alex’s still trembling body on top of him “Are you okay?”

All Alex can do is nod, still numb, slowly regaining conscience of his surroundings and skin still faintly buzzing between his thighs. Ross shifts under him to reach the box of tissues on the nightstand, and after rolling carefully Alex’s body off of his, he quickly cleans theirs sticky stomachs. After throwing the tissues away, he then proceeds to pull back his underwear and jeans up, and does the same to Alex, the redhead barely lifting his hips off the mattress to help him.  Nonetheless, Alex releases a small noise that could have been a sound of gratitude, but as he can’t seem to be able to even open his eyes, Ross leans over his friend and kisses him lightly on the nose. Alex chuckles and raising his sore arms he reaches blindly at Ross’ neck and pulled him down for a kiss, but instead of soft lips, Alex’s mouth meets rough stubble. With a laugh, Ross readjusts the trajectory and they finally kiss, slowly and tenderly. With a satisfied sigh, Ross settles his head on Alex’s chest and starts to caress the redhead’s stomach, tracing absently his hairy path down his jeans while Alex runs his hand in Ross’ soft hair.  For a few minutes, they just lay there, slowing heartbeats echoing with the muffled music from downstairs. And his mind finally coming down from his all-time high, Alex can’t stop the doubts to pulse uncomfortably in the aching base of his skull.

_What about now?  What is going to happen now that we crossed the line.  It’s not like we really talked about it before he throw me on his bed. What if it was just a one time thing for him. Fuck. I can’t… I won’t be able to settle for that and get back to our lives like nothing happened. No. Not after that. It was already hard to ignore it before, but now… that would be impossible. But he doesn’t act like it, if it was just a roll in the hay for him he would already have bolted out of bed. He wouldn’t cuddle me like now. Right?_

As a fit of laugher coming from downstairs interrupts his thoughts, Alex sighs and voice still a bit rough from their activities, he murmured   “We should probably go back.”

Ross shifts on his chest and groans sleepily. “Do we have to?”

“It’s your party, mate.” As Ross nuzzles in the crook of his neck and moans reluctantly, Alex added. “You have to give people what they came for.”

“And what is that?” asks Ross, a smirk suddenly pulling at his lips.

Alex presses a kiss on his temple and answers “You.”

“I thought I was the reason  _you_  came for.” growls Ross, voice low and rough as he runs his fingers in Alex’s soft chest hair.

The redhead opened his mouth in disbelief. “I can’t believe you just said that.” He exhales and feels Ross laughing against him but he quickly joins him heartedly.

Catching his breath, Alex pushes himself out of the bed and grabbing his T-shirt, he notices Ross’ lingering gaze over his body while the dark haired man licks and bits his lips appreciatively. He grabs down Ross’ own T-shirt and throws it on his friend, grunting “Stop, you’re driving me crazy with those lips.”

Ross laughs again as he stands and putting his Star Wars T-shirt on awkwardly, he declares “Let’s get rid of these people quickly then so we can go back to bed.”

Alex freezes in his movements and the surprise must be obvious on his face as Ross, looking at him, frowns. Alex is quick to hide it but his heart is suddenly racing in his chest when the dark haired man walks to him and taking Alex’s head between his hands, his friend leans forwards and kisses him very softly, very slowly, before pressing their foreheads together.

Feeling the warmth spreading to his cheeks, Alex asks shyly “Are we really doing this?”

“I think we just did, mate.” chuckles Ross and Alex can feels the vibration of his friend’s laugh against his skin.

“Ross…”

“Sorry.” The dark haired man looks Alex intensely in the eyes, Alex shivering under his friend’s suddenly dead serious gaze and Ross whispers “I’m in if you want to.”

Alex’s heart seemed to jumps out his chest while butterflies spreads quickly in his stomach. “Really?”

For all answer, Ross smiles and kisses him again.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a jump-in-time epilogue, it picks up right after the last part. Enjoy! ;)

Alex pushed Ross out of the bedroom, explaining to the dark haired man he should go down first and he would follow in a few minutes, to avoid raising suspicion, he said with a flustered smile.

But really Alex needed a few minutes to gather his thoughts and calm his racing heart after what just happened. His legs were shaking again and he sat at the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths. He started laughing breathlessly and threw himself back on the bed. Contemplating the ceiling, Alex ignored the small voice telling him it must have been a dream, comforted by the musky smell of sex, the slight stickiness of his stomach and the sore feeling of bruising where Ross had planted his nails deep in Alex’s skin. Grinning like a madman, he finally pushed himself off of the mattress and made his way downstairs.

 

Realising how thirsty he was, he made a left turn to the kitchen where he found Trott, the short brunet trying to open a wine bottle

“Do you need some help with that?” Alex asked his friend, after watching him struggle with the corkscrew for a minute. It was pretty obvious that Trott already had a few drinks and Alex was pretty sure he would injure himself in the next minute or so.

Trott handed him the bottle and sighed “Knock yourself out, sunshine.”

The short brunet put his elbows on the American bar and chin in his hands, he watched Alex opened the bottle on his first try, when suddenly he noticed the persistent grin of the redhead’s face. He snorted “You look happy.”

Grin wider than ever, Alex simply answered. “Mhmmhmhm”

Trott straightened himself up, smiling as he took the open bottle that Alex was handing him. “I take it Ross and you talked.”

“Yeah you can say that.” chuckled his friend, cheeks flushed. “And thanks to you I guess.”

Trott shook his head with a dismissive hand gesture, slightly out of sync due to his drunkenness “Don’t mention it.”

Alex insisted, following his friend out of the kitchen “No seriously, Trott. Thank you. For everything you’ve done.”

The brunet shrugged as they entered the living room together and sighed “Just don’t make me regret it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” replied Alex, suddenly busy scanning the people gathered in their living room and looking for Ross. When he finally found the dark haired man, his heart skipped a beat in his chest and he smiled fondly, watching Ross laughed at something Lewis told him.

Grabbing Alex’s arm to catch his attention, Trott pleaded “Smith, I’m serious. Don’t screw it up. Please?”

Alex looked in direction of Ross again and the dark haired man, catching his eyes, flashed him a cheeky smile from across the room. Alex winked at him and turned to Trott, beaming. “Don’t worry. I won’t, mate.”  

 

 

A few hours later, slightly past 4 am, the last of their friends finally closed the door behind them, and Trott, yawning noisily, waved his flat mates goodnight and stumbled to his room.

Ross took Alex by the hand and led him to his room. Once there, he pulled the redhead to him and kissed him. Alex smiled lazily into the kiss, mind swimming with alcohol and Ross’ taste on his tongue. The dark haired man moaned, contented and breaking the kiss, he brushed his nose against Alex’.

The redhead chuckled and said, voice very low. “Let’s put you to bed.”  Ross nodded slowly and let Alex undressed him. Once his shirt and jeans on the floor, Ross grunted and fell face-down on the bed. As Alex went to close the bedroom’s door, the dark haired man whined sleepily, voice muffled by his pillow “Stay with me, please.”

Alex smiled and quickly got rid of his clothes, chucking them on the floor next to Ross’. “I’m not going anywhere.” he answered, climbing onto the bed, knee-walking over to Ross. He tucked around his friend, hand slipping under his boxers to press against the bottom of his spine. He then rolled him and took him in his arms. Caressing Ross’ hair, the dark haired man pressing warm against his side, Alex waited for him to fall asleep. Satisfied when he heard the steady breath of the other man and a light snore, Alex smiled and finally closed his eyes.

 

Alex slowly wakes up in the morning, feeling the sun, already high in the sky, brushing his face.  There’s a short moment of panic when he’s suddenly aware of the warm body spooning him, but the events of last night make quickly their way back in his mind, and sighing happily, he settles back comfortably in Ross’ arms. He suddenly feels his friend nuzzling in his neck, making him shiver and relishes on the feeling of Ross pressing his body even closer to him.

“You awake?” whispers the dark haired man, words coming out hot on Alex’s neck.

“Mmmmhhh maybe.” murmurs Alex before turning in Ross’ arms. Taking in how close their faces are, they smile at each other, chuckling softly.

But Alex frowns when he suddenly sees Ross’ smile falters “What’s wrong?”

Ross licks his lips nervously, clearly hesitating before finally admitting “It’s just… sleeping had always been kinda hard since my accident… But when you sleep next to me, I feel… I…” Ross swallows and smiles at Alex “I… I feel safe. With you. Always have been really.” Cheeks flushed, he takes a big breath before concluding, smile suddenly bigger than ever “And I like it.”

As he listens to Ross, Alex bites his lower lip, cheeks burning and feels his heart grow inside of his chest and press against his ribs, and it hurts a bit but in a good way, a very good way. Alex knows, just knows it is love he feels right now and he exhales quickly when Ross finishes awkwardly. He pushes down the words pressing at his mind.

_Not now, it’s too early. Not now._

He clears his throat and smiling shyly, he says instead, voice slightly shaking under the flow of his emotions.  “Well, waking up next to you every morning is something I could get used to, I guess.”

Ross chuckles softly and presses closer to Alex “Well you better, because from now on I’m spending every night with you.” He leans forward and quickly kisses the redhead on the forehead. “And you better do your bloody job and keep my nightmares away.”

The redhead pouts mockingly “I feel so used.”

Ross laughs heartily as he pushes Alex back on the mattress and leans over him, being very careful not to push on his weak arm this time.

“Oh yeah. I’m definitely using you.” And brushing his nose against Alex’s cheek, his skin tickling lightly against the rough stubble of his friend’s beard, Ross growls in Alex’s ear “And I’m probably going to use you every night, if you let me.”

As the other man starts peppering kisses down his neck, Alex chuckles giddily and feels arousal stirring in his lower stomach. He whined when Ross titillates one of his nipples with his teeth and breathing out loudly, he grabs his friend by the hips and rolls the two of them on the bed. Alex repositions himself between Ross’ legs and smiling, he leans forwards to kiss him. Head spinning and heart racing, he trails down a hand to get a grip at Ross’ thigh and hooked it around his side as he pushed his tongue in Ross’ mouth, the other man instantly reciprocating. They fell into a smooth rhythm, the initial eagerness fading into a deep, lazy kiss. After a moment, full on whimpers and moans muffled by their slowly moving lips, Alex breaks the kiss and his arousal tightens between his legs when Ross looks back at him full of desire and heat.

When he presses his lips right under the dark haired man’s jaw and grazes his teeth on the soft skin, Alex decides that, this morning is all about Ross’ pleasure. So he will take the time to explore every inch of Ross’ body with his mouth and discovers every variation of the marvellous sounds Ross makes under his touch. Putting aside his own burning desire to be touch and his grip tightening on Ross’ thigh, he solely focuses on driving his friend crazy by nipping softly at his collarbone and trailing hot kisses down his chest. But Alex’s plan turns suddenly short when Ross, between two whimpers of the other man’s name, slips a warm hand in the redhead’s underwear and curls his fingers around him

_Well, fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end. Don't hesitate to leave me kudos or comment if you liked the story, it means a lot :)


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